The Most Ridiculous Blog

Wisdom Teeth

2010-10-01T10:45:00.000-04:00

This video reminded me of when I got my wisdom teeth taken out and if it is something you have not experienced before, it really is a trip. Being "out of it" is a huge understatement. Unfortunately I didn't have anyone video tape me in my state of inebriation. It is a wild rush of uncontrollable emotions so hopefully you are around people you love so that you can at least enjoy your mind numbness. Anyway I barely remembered what happened during it so I really don't have any more details. It is hard to describe.

What is really crazy is how there are so many drugs in this world and somehow going to the dentist and getting your "medicine" is okay. Well thanks, America. The one time you get your wisdom teeth removed is totally worth it, plus you have less chance of getting cavities if you have less teeth right? Unfortunately most "medicines" are really just the addiction without the pleasure. Remember when you were in middle school and they had that drug talk with you to "just say no"? Well they left out the part where the pharmacy aisle in the grocery store also contains all drugs. I am not saying that I have never been down this aisle with a broken bone hoping Advil is on sale but it makes me think that right and wrong are clearly skewed when some drugs are called medicine and others are called crimes. The fact of the matter is that everyone needs drugs at some point in their life. You wouldn't want someone to have surgery without drugs right? You wouldn't want someone to suffer extra pain that could be numbed right? But who decides what does the numbing? As long as it can make money and can be controlled by the government, then it can be called medicine and it can be sold or administered legally. So if the USA is supposed to be a "free" country then why can't I decide what does the numbing? How many celebrities have died because of medicine overdose? Is it really any better or any worse?

Anyway the video is pretty entertaining as most people are after they get their wisdom teeth removed. Just think of it as one freebie in your life where you really get to go all out with the drugs... or medicine, I mean medicine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ig-pZ4OyidY&playnext=1&videos=9YrV7_WZPWM&feature=mfu_in_order

Andrew Shirvell

2010-09-30T13:54:00.000-04:00

This guy really needs to go on Stephen Colbert's show. He would get nailed (as Colbert would say)! I just can't believe how this guy, as a state official, can behave in this manner. I understand the whole conservative christian viewpoint and have seen a lot of prejudice against gays in this country as a whole. Many states are still fighting for simple rights like marriage. But does this really justify this man's behavior? He says that it is his "first amendment right" but to me, it sounds like name calling and straight out bigotry. His boss doesn't even want anything to do with it. He just pushes it aside just like he will probably do to Andrew's yearly review. I will just shake my head in disgust. Anderson Cooper from CNN pretty much says it all in the way he conducts this interview but I have a few questions for Andrew himself.

Do you think that a state official should ever conduct him or herself in this manner on or off hours? Does freedom of speech make it okay to insult someone publicly and accuse them to be a Nazi or Satan's representative? Does protesting include insults or just a way to express your opinion? Do you feel that engaging in an online campaign against a student is the right path for a state official? What do you expect to gain from your blog? Do you think that anyone believes your bullshit? Do you understand what being a representative of the state entails and what kind of impact you may have by your behavior regardless of if it is during your work hours? Lastly, do you expect to keep your job for much longer?

And now please watch Anderson Cooper smack this man down. Warning: you will feel an awkward and uncomfortable feeling while viewing.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/09/28/michigan.justice.blog/index.html

Dark Patterns

2010-09-17T12:04:00.000-04:00

This is my new favorite website. I know, you are probably thinking I say that a lot but this website explains many examples of user interfaces that are designed purposely to trick you into something you do not want to do. They call it a Dark Pattern. I am sure you have been stuck once or twice subscribing for something online unintentionally or finding it much more difficult to unsubscribe. Possibly you tried to buy something for a seemingly low cost only to find out later there were extra charges and/or extras you didn't want to buy in the first place. Social networking itself has become a huge spam box for your friends to unintentionally advertise something. It has also become a huge chore to keep what you want private, actually private. Some of these things you may have noticed or not but it just does not seem right.

This brings me to the question, where can we draw the line on what is right or wrong on the Internet? It is a land of almost complete freedom and there isn't much to enforce any website to stop trying to trick you into buying, subscribing, advertising, or revealing information that you never intended to. It is almost as bad as airlines trying to nickel and dime you for every second of your flying experience. Just give me a break already! I have to read the fine print before clicking on anything. Someone needs to create a browser that highlights these dark patterns as you browse the web. Unfortunately I think that would make your browsing experience a complete mess of clutter. I am usually not a fan of more rules and more enforcement on our freedoms, but there has to be some solution for this. I remember when Facebook was considered to be a good example of structure and well designed user interface. Now they might as well team up with MySpace and give your privacy and user experience a beat down.

http://darkpatterns.org/

Electronic Cigarettes

2010-09-16T17:41:00.000-04:00

Electronic Cigarettes, or E-Cigarettes, are battery power devices that heat a liquid solution into vapor. Wow. I am at a complete loss for words to explain this invention. This means that you can smoke without the smoke. The liquid solution could include nicotine or not, but there is no tobacco. There is no need for a lighter and you do not need to ash or dispose of anything while smoking an e-cigarette.

This has sparked a fury of discussions on whether or not this device is safe, liked or disliked, legal, or even if it is considered "cool". Since it does not produce smoke should it be allowed in places where you cannot smoke legally? Can you use it on an airplane? Can you use it in a restaurant? It certainly isn't a fire hazard. There are questions on whether there should be an age to purchase although most articles I have read fit into the over 18 category. Legally, is it the same as smoking if you use it without nicotine? Many electronic cigarettes look close to real cigarettes and the vapor it produces does give the appearance of smoke. I am thinking that you will definitely draw some attention if it is illegal to smoke in a particular location. In fact, it has been used as a replacement for smoke producing cigarettes in the theatre.

So is it actually healthy? It doesn't contain tobacco, smoke, or any of the thousands of chemicals that regular cigarettes contain, but it still contains nicotine. Nicotine is addictive and not particularly good for your body. But these e-cigarette producers are also selling liquid solutions that do not contain nicotine. So does that mean that I would be smoking odorless, colorless, water vapor? Is there any point to that? I suppose for some, it is actually the act of smoking that is enjoyable and not the drug. The FDA doesn't have much to say about it yet but they seem to prefer to try and ban everything until they have tested it enough. Also there are comments and criticisms that say that the government wouldn't want to let it be widely sold unless they could tax it in some way. New Jersey has gone as far as banning it completely wherever normal smoking laws are enforced and many airlines have not supported the use of them on flights.

But can we even call it smoking? It seems more like vaporizing to me. It is vaporizing. Take a flavored liquid, add some nicotine or don't, and filter it to odorless nothing. Sounds way better than smoking to me. The main reason why I never really cared when the smoking laws went into effect in restaurants and bars was because I didn't care for the odor. Without the odor, it is already 100 times better. The rest, to me, seems like propaganda and very wise sales people. E-Cigarette companies have said you can smoke it anywhere or that it can be used to quit smoking (tobacco cigarettes) or that it is cheaper and healthier. I definitely think it is an interesting product none the less but I don't know if I believe all that. I wouldn't recommend buying it because they say it is more acceptable when there are still a lot of social and legal discussions going on. This might fall into the category of "try it once just for kicks" for me.

Post a comment, email, facebook, twitter me if you have any opinions or related content to point me to because this seems like it warrants a discussion. I have only just chipped the iceberg with this one.

If you have no idea what I am talking about Google it or at least read the below article to get started.

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2010/08/20/e-cigarettes-the-good-the-bad-the-smoky/

McAfee: So That's What You're Doing

2010-09-14T16:17:00.000-04:00

Apparently McAfee has a report entitled "McAfee Most Dangerous Celebrities" where they list out which celebrities pose the biggest threat when searching for them on the web. Cameron Diaz is now the most dangerous according to McAfee.

Well, I hope they didn't spend too much money on this, because it would be a lot more helpful if they came up with software that actually protected us from threats instead of this useless information. Thanks McAfee, I'll be sure to cut down my Cameron Diaz searches this year.

http://techcrunch.com/2010/08/19/cameron-diaz-now-more-dangerous-than-jessica-biel/

Airlines Lower The Bar Again

2010-09-11T21:11:00.000-04:00

I hate airlines. I hate airlines. I hate airlines. I can't say it enough. Airlines have seats that don't recline. Airlines charge money for bags. Airlines charge extra to sit close to the front. What else can they take away? This is absolutely terrible and considering there isn't much great about any airline experience I've had so far this just makes me cringe. It is no wonder I have so many miles on my car.

http://www.doobybrain.com/2010/09/11/skyrider-airline-seats-will-give-you-only-23-inches-of-space/

Miracles

2010-08-27T17:37:00.002-04:00

I think this counts as proof that anyone can do anything in this world. I am referring to the music video, Miracles, by the Insane Clown Posse. Over the years they have done plenty of ridiculous stuff and are actually still really popular. That is the only reasoning I can make as to why this video would even get produced by anyone. The quality of this video is YouTube at best. But somewhere down the line, someone listened to this song and said, "Yes this can make money. I will produce it!" And that is what gets me. Like spell check exists, a producer should have stupidity check before things like this get released.

Miracles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-agl0pOQfs

And of course, SNL can't miss this one. ICP actually thinks it is hilarious too!

SNL's version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGbdomlBnJM

Double Rainbow

2010-08-26T17:37:00.005-04:00

If you haven't yet heard by now, there is a guy who posted a video of a double rainbow. He went into a fit of hysterics, crying, and possibly organisms over the sight of it. Since then, I have heard longer discussions about what drugs he was on, if any, while he was filming this amazing double rainbow. What I am more amazed with is the fact that something as silly as this could blow up through social networking and apparently Jimmy Kimmel tweeting about it. If he has that much power, can we get Jimmy to tweet more jobs? There are double rainbow t-shirts for sale and even a double rainbow song on iTunes. Anyway, check out the video if you want. Now, let's never speak of this again.

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQSNhk5ICTI
Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX0D4oZwCsA

Summer Cleaning

2010-08-25T17:37:00.000-04:00

In taking a look back at my posts for this blog I found a few unpublished posts beneath the dust. I am assuming lack of time is the number 1 reason why none of these were ever posted but maybe it was because I didn't have anything ridiculous to say about them. In any case, I don't see any reason why I can't brush through them all now.

Elf Yourself - Apparently this doesn't exist anymore or at least not until next holiday season. I guess you will never get to see me as an elf, but there is still this:
http://www.youtube.com/user/elfyourself

Angry Video Game Nerd - You know there still really isn't much to say about this guy. Just Google it one day when you have some time to kill. You may want to have an interest in old school video games or rolling rock.

Fantasy Football Obsession - Well it is just about football season again so I suppose I could dust this one off for a full post, but it just annoys me too much. I just know that this fall there will be plenty of times when my productivity is stunted because someone needs to tell me their full strategy for how they are going to draft their fantasy team. I don't care. I am auto drafting. I auto drafted the last 2 years and I have won over 600 dollars. I am not about to waste more time drafting when it doesn't matter.

16-Year-Old Toddler - The story still exists here:
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Health/story?id=7880954&page=1

Michael Jackson's 100 Secret Songs - Our only hope for future radio is if they one day release these.
http://www.bittenandbound.com/2009/03/02/michael-jackson-has-recorded-100-secret-songs/

Fake Bands - The link I had for this doesn't exist anymore either but I am pretty sure it was just talking about the music that is on the radio right now. I am talking about you Nickelback.

Taser Death - Not the first time police have done whatever they want and just called it "resisting arrest".
http://www.inquisitr.com/24307/man-tased-19-times-and-dies-jury-finds-force-not-excessive/

14-Year-Old Graduate - This link doesn't exist anymore but I think I was going to comment on the amount of awesomeness one would miss out on if they decided they wanted to completely finish college before they were old enough to be considered an adult. Have fun filing your taxes at 15!

Facebook's Easter Egg - The Konami Code at one time used to create a lens flare on your Facebook page. Disappointingly, it doesn't work anymore. I guess this is not the first time Facebook fucked up something that they used to have.

Hawaiians Eat Dog - I refuse to comment on this one.

Richard Branson - This is about Richard Branson trying to fight Stephen Colbert. Just go here:
http://ccinsider.comedycentral.com/2009/05/04/richard-branson-wants-to-fist-fight-stephen-colbert/

Twitter Has Taken Over Your Life -
http://current.com/shows/supernews/89891774_twouble-with-twitters.htm

Pau Gasol - There is actually an overwhelming amount of ridiculous stuff on this guy. He just fits the bill. From Lena Gasol, the 2008 NBA Finals, the 2008 Summer Olympics, the mock Chinese Spanish team photo, and really any photo of Pau Gasol you can find, he is just absolutely insane. I encourage you to just Google images. His facial expressions ensue laughter. Bonus points if you know the context of his facial expressions.

Internet Language - With Twitter and text message limits, it is no wonder we can't speak English anymore.

Reality Television - Ugh, can there be a reward for the person who kills it?

Perez Hilton - Somehow this man has a music video
http://perezhilton.com/2009-02-02-the-clap-the-video
a book
http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/Entertainment/20090130/Perez_Hilton_090201/
and was named the #1 web celebrity
http://en.terra.com/lifestyle/articles/html/hof4114.htm
It just doesn't make sense. This man specializes in drawing cum on people's faces in the cheesy Microsoft 95 paint style.

"25 random things about me" Chain Mail - I am glad this died forever ago. Stay dead. I don't care. I can already hear 50 million random facts about everyone on 100 different social networks. Let's hope there is no resurrection for this one. I do not want to see this in zombie form.

Resurrection

2010-08-24T17:37:00.001-04:00

In thinking about 'resurrection' in general I decided to Google it since that is easier than going to the library, searching through endless amounts of books, and then searching for countless hours to get any sort of answers. But this is 2010, so you probably think that libraries don't exist anymore. It is hard enough to get people to read anyway. You probably wish this was a video blog.

The first page Google gives me is from Wikipedia which is pretty typical. Since we all trust Wikipedia to be completely truthful and accurate even though it is an online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, I will comment on the first line of the article.

"The resurrection of dead humans is a central doctrine of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam."

I never realized how closely related zombies and religion are. (From now on I will speak from a Christian point of view not because I shun the others, but because this is what I know from going to Catholic and Episcopalian churches my whole life.) Jesus was dead and then he was brought back from the dead. In church they call that 'eternal life' which sounds a lot better than "reanimated corpse, or a human being who is being controlled by someone else by use of magic" from the zombie wiki page. I suppose there is a big difference I am leaving out where Jesus was supposedly resurrected back to actual life and not just zombie life. But in my opinion, if you were once dead and now you are not, then that makes you a zombie.

Next on the Google search is a Chicago Hospital, Resurrection Health Care which is a "system of affiliated not-for-profit Catholic organizations sponsored by the Sisters of the Holy Family of Nazareth and the Sisters of the Resurrection" according to their website. That's a mouthful! Don't you think that naming your hospital with the word 'resurrection' is giving yourself a little too much credit? If you don't include zombies or characters from movies, the last person I ever heard of being resurrected was Jesus Christ. Plus they are a "not-for-profit" organization and a hospital at the same time. Isn't that an oxymoron?

Their mission statement says, "Faithful to the spirit of our Sponsors, Resurrection Health Care exists to witness God's sustaining love, through compassionate, family-centered care. Motivated by a reverence for life and respect for those we serve, we are committed to improving the health and well-being of our community. We promote a climate that empowers all of us to effectively steward our human and financial resources." In my opinion, you are going to need a lot more than improvements if you call yourself "Resurrection Health Care"!

Anyway, Google is kind of disappointing me today for not being up with the times. I did mention that it is 2010 right? I can look up hospitals and Jesus in the library that I purposely avoided for you, Google. The first movie that comes up is the 1999 Resurrection starring Christopher Lambert. 5.9 rating on IMDB, ouch! Next is Tupac and Resurrection High School. Yes there is a Resurrection High School. I don't even want to know what they claim they offer.

I was expecting to see something more like Terminator or Resident Evil or at least Alien. And a lot more zombie stuff. I guess I am more of a movie buff than Google. This is what YouTube has: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzv7O9siFXY

TMR (This blog)

2010-08-23T17:57:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so I know you are all aware that this blog is ridiculous but to belabor the point I thought I'd blog about it. I haven't written a new post since last December. It is now August (if I manage to post this before this month ends). I am frustrated with myself for being such a perfectionist and this has led me to ignore this blog for almost a year. (And also freaking Tosh.0 who literally does exactly what I intended to do with this blog but better and on TV. And with writers! Where is my team of writers?) Anyway, no one cares that I neatly space all my paragraphs, organize my thoughts, use properly formatted links and pictures to share information, and spell definitely correctly. (Okay, people that spell definitely incorrectly are annoying.) But I spell check everything and it is very time consuming. Sometimes I think if I just sTaRtEd tO tYpE lIke tHiS more people would pay attention. Ugh, Google counts mis-capped lettering as misspelled words! You don't know how much pain this will cause me to publish this without correcting it. Whatever, I am not looking for attention. I just want to tell you about all the ridiculous stuff in the world (like reality TV - it makes me shutter).

The point I am trying to make is that as my life goes on, I travel more for work, I become a father, I become a fiancé (and soon a husband), I pay out more money and so I end up with less net money, and my time starts to get thin. Making sure that decorations are set for a weekend family party becomes top priority now. This means that I need to change the format of this blog. It is too ridiculous for even me! I cannot do ample amounts of research to make sure I know what I am talking about. For now on, I am just going to post links, pictures, phrases, thoughts, and whatever I can find that deems itself ridiculous. I am pretty much going to twittify this blog except for that stupid 140 character limit. Jeez twitter! You have how many million followers and you can't even let me type an exclamation at the end of my 140 character rant? Cut me a break! I am American. I have this false sense of freedom. It is not like anything else in this country is limited.

So be prepared for a splattering of random ridiculousness in the future. No, I am not dead and neither is this blog. I took a vacation to start a blog about my newborn baby (which I now never post on either). This brings me back to the need for an eighth day in the week for resting and catching up with your life. Sunday just doesn't cut it anymore. It is practically my busiest day in the week!

Miracles, double rainbow, Auto-Tune the News, Tosh.0 - I am going to tear you a new asshole. Oh there's one thing that I do better than Tosh, I don't get bleeped. Asshole. Fuck. Shit. Bitch. Okay, now this is just getting ridiculous. This was about 140 characters right?

Square

2009-12-09T13:13:00.002-05:00

Jack Dorsey, the creator of Twitter, has announced a new technology called Square. It is a card reader that plugs into the headphones jack of mobile devices or computers. The idea is to make a more convenient and portable way for anybody to accept credit cards. All I have to say is it is about damn time!

How many times have you had to go to an ATM to settle out splitting a meal at a restaurant? How many times have you had to run across the street to the bank because you didn't realize Bob's Deli didn't accept credit card? Is it fair to have to purchase 10 dollars at Quiznos when your sandwich only costs 6 just because you only have 5 dollars cash? There has been a big problem with accepting credit cards since day one. Maybe it wasn't that big of a deal when no one really used credit cards except for big purchases but now with debit cards and modern checking accounts it doesn't seem that ridiculous anymore to buy a pack of gum with your card. In fact, when a pack of gum now costs $1.09 it is definitely faster to swipe your card than to watch the look of pain shoot across the sixteen-year-old cashier who now has to figure out how to give you 91 cents in change. Actually, change is the number 1 reason I never pay with cash. I don't want to carry around pounds of change after a day's worth of purchases. Why is it that nothing costs even amounts anymore? If gum were a quarter or if a soda was a single dollar then this wouldn't be that much of a pain. But everything is $1.99 or $2.49 or $3.19!! Tax is different in every state down to halves of pennies and there is no consistency on what is taxed either. Food is not taxed but that doesn't include Lays potato chips. In some states, clothes aren't taxed but it doesn't include shoes or belts or hats? I don't really know but there is no way to tell if you are going to need 32 cents or 56 cents or 93 cents the next time you purchase something with cash. And no one wants to do the calculation in their head either.

So back to Square. Could this be an answer to our payment problems? In my opinion, this is only a small step and way, way late. The credit card companies and middlemen that control transfers around credit card payments have made way too much money for a crappy job with hardly any technological advancement. I still see those block card swipers that almost never work and you have to wait 5 minutes for the receipt to print out twice. How much does it cost to use one of those? Probably 3% of every purchase or maybe worse! That is why you have to spend 10 dollars at Quiznos with a card. Let's hope that this solution is not too expensive because I am sure the credit card companies are going to want to keep their fees in place. Let's also hope that this solution can be trusted and doesn't cause issues with people stealing credit cards, money, or even identities.

The next step needs to be getting rid of those stupid magnetic strips or even getting rid of credit cards altogether. So printing money is obviously the most wasteful because it is a lot of paper, time and more money just to print them all out and to create and research crazy inks with holograms, watermarks, and microscopic characters to prevent counterfeit. But replacing your debit or credit card at least once a year because the magnetic strip deteriorates is not much better and 100 times more annoying. Why would they create something that deteriorates every time you use it or even if you just leave it in your wallet? It is like the bar code technology. I can't believe that is still in place. Let's put something on a label so that after it gets shipped all over the country it can't even be read anymore and then no one knows how much anything costs. When the 24 hour corner store in Brooklyn is more efficient than the supermarket because they just charge everything in even dollar amounts, then we have got to think that our technologies are not actually helping us in these situations. We need something better. In college our ID cards had a magnetic strip and we all put tape over it to make it last a little longer. Why? Shouldn't your card last until its actual expiration date? MasterCard has the PayPass thing but that doesn't work too well and hasn't caught on quite so much. However, I like the idea. We need something that can securely charge our bank accounts wirelessly. The PayPass seems to be a hybrid solution in a world still reliant on using an actual card.

I like the idea behind Square and I think that it can be successful and helpful to the everyday consumer. But we need to start thinking outside the box. Until then we'll just have to settle for the next best, Square.

http://squareup.com/

Meeping Banned

2009-11-17T10:28:00.000-05:00

In Massachusetts, the "massholes" have to battle themselves. Maybe that's why they are such big haters to the rest of the world. Now, they have directed their hate towards the lovable Muppet character, Beaker. Best known for his "meep" sound as his only form of communication, he has ingrained a certain memory in all of our memories. For me, it was when I was a child. For the students at Danvers High School in Massachusetts it was last week when many of them conspired, supposedly through Facebook, to interrupt classes by meeping. Principal Thomas Murray banned the word and said that any student who says it or displays it could be suspended.

This was supposedly the best action to take after Principal Murray's "reasonable request" to stop the meeping was not responded to. The reason why I have "reasonable request" in quotes is because the article itself did. I am not sure what that even means. What is a reasonable request? Did he ask them to stop individually? He couldn't have possibly talked to every student. Did he hold a meeting and risk informing students that weren't involved and also wasting their time? This doesn't even make any sense. Does he really think that banning the word is going to stop the students? So maybe they don't say "meep" anymore, but maybe they'll just say whatever else they have seen on TV recently instead. The word is not really the issue. It is the behavior and trends of the students. So a bunch of students thought meeping was cool for a little while. Does the principal have to step in and enforce this for the entire school? Are the teachers so passive that they can't even discipline their own classrooms? Possibly the word is so annoying to all the teachers that they can't function after hearing it. Maybe their only hope was to ask for help from higher authorities. Maybe the students are smarter than we think they are and this is part of a much bigger conspiracy to take over the school. This is about the time when you would let out that long, deep, evil laugh.

I am surprised that the principal has so much power at this school that he can just ban words. What ever happened to freedom of speech? Is "meep" now considered a swear word? Is it causing anyone pain? The school should really consider banning words that hurt other students when students bully each other. That would be something that made sense because I have never heard of a student ever getting suspended for bullying another student by calling them names. So now banning the word "meep" is more important than banning other actual harmful name calling.

I don't even agree that you should be allowed to ban words at all. How can we encourage students to grow up with their own personalities when we tell them what they can and can't say. Again the behavior is the problem, not the word, and Principal Murray and the teachers at Danvers High School don't have a damn clue.

http://www.boston.com/news/odd/articles/2009/11/12/mass_principal_bans_students_from_saying_meep/

Dinner In The Sky

2009-11-10T17:53:00.000-05:00

The next time you are looking to put on a big show consider Dinner In The Sky. With locations all over the world you could have dinner with 21 of your friends 50 meters off the ground! A crane hoists a table with 22 guest strapped to their chairs in a location of your choice as long as the location is 30 x 15 meters accessible for both crane & truck with trailer. Paris, Grand Canyon, Istanbul, London City, "the sky is the limit" they say. Dinner, cocktails, TVs, chefs, they claim to hoist almost anything into the sky to make your night enjoyable. They will even hoist a piano into the sky if you want some musical entertainment. Do you think I could get Yo-Yo Ma into the sky? They have a few expansions called Meeting In The Sky, Showbizz In The Sky, and Marriage In The Sky. I think you get the idea. Next there will be Strippers In The Sky and Presidential Debate In The Sky. And no, these are not related.

Unfortunately there is no pricing on the website but one could only imagine how expensive this could be. 22 guests. 3 chefs. 2 waiters. A team of people to operate the crane in case you need to go to the bathroom after the first appetizer. By the way, they claim it takes less than a minute to bring the table back down. Only disadvantage is that the entire table has to go down with you. That's a buzz kill for an important business meeting. They can be available for 8 hours and claim that you could fit anywhere from 7 dinners or many more shorter cocktail sessions into one day. Why would I want 7 dinners in one day? If I got the cranes going for the day I would say dinner and a show, cocktail hour before and after, and did they say Strippers In The Sky was available yet? Anyway, I have to go get my private jet ready to fly my 21 guests out to Istanbul for the night. The sky is the limit right?

http://www.dinnerinthesky.com/

Girls Gone (Not So) Wild

2009-10-30T10:33:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday Girls Gone Wild had a party at McCrobie's in Rome, GA. Um, why? That was my first reaction to this. Of all the places they could pick to have a party, they pick a small town in the northwest corner of Georgia? There isn't much there. It is the middle of nowhere. How many people have heard of Rome? (not the one in Italy) It is a place for families and kids and high school. I should know, I went to high school there. Why wouldn't they go to Atlanta, a big city, only 70 miles away? What were they thinking? Is this really the place to expand your business? They must be desperate during the recession. They couldn't get a hand out like AIG?

So of course there was a protest, but only about 35 people. I am pretty sure the Girls Gone Wild bus itself brought more than 35 people itself not to mention the people at the bar. Rome's Alcohol Control Commission had voted against Girls Gone Wild coming to Rome, but clearly they did anyway. Much like the protesters to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, they were completely outnumbered and ineffective. But in the end, it was just a party at a bar. I hardly think this will be a memorable event for anyone except for maybe the 16 year old who made it in with his older brother's ID.

http://romenews-tribune.com/pages/full_story/push?article-McCrobie’s%20bash%20Girls%20Gone%20mild-%20Saturday%20night%20party%20draws%20crowd-%20around%2035%20protesters%20&id=4132683&instance=home_Most_popular

Jerks In Your Area

2009-10-29T18:32:00.000-04:00

When posts like "is my son having sex" or "Need an amputee to complete my Halloween costume" or "We met at last nights orgy but did not get your name" show up in your craigslist ads then you might have a jerk in your area. Jerks In Your Area does a good job making sure all these ads are publicly scrutinized. So the next time someone says they can "Teach make grow giant tomati" for your "head face and penis" then it might be time for you to take a look at this blog.

By the way, if anyone can figure out what the below ad is for then let me know cause I am confused.

http://www.jerksinyourarea.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/teach-make-grow-giant-tomati-20090915-copy1.jpg

Check out:

http://www.jerksinyourarea.com/

The Wife Song

2009-10-22T11:06:00.001-04:00

So everyone is getting married now or at least it seems that way from my point of view. I guess it is not that unusual considering I am 25 and wedding season is ending. Specifically for those new young lovers, I have found the words of Tim Hawkins to guide you through your next phase in life. It also might help that he can play guitar and for some reason people seem to listen more when it is through song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpFD-kgQxnI

People Of Walmart

2009-10-06T15:31:00.002-04:00

If you weren't already scared enough about battling through Walmart when you are in dire need of scotch tape and a surge protector at 10:30pm on a Sunday when nothing else is open, then take a look at People of Walmart. This gives a whole new meaning to department stores taking over the world.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com

Cheese Rolling

2009-07-28T11:13:00.000-04:00

Every year in Gloucestershire, England, a 7-8 pound cheese is rolled down Cooper's Hill in a racing event. Yes, these blokes actually race down a concave and treacherous hill just for a large cheese roll. Save a few years, this has been a yearly tradition since the 1800's. Many people get injured and hospitalized on their way down Cooper's Hill including someone getting carried off with a stretcher just this year!

A website was created in 1999 with all the event information, past history, and all time winners! Currently Stephen Gyde holds the most wins with 20 cheeses including a 3-cheese sweep two times. Although in current years, Christopher Anderson is the hype with 4 cheeses all time including the 2 cheeses he won this year. And he is only 20 years old! Watch out cheese rolling competitors!

Check out the website below to be sure to keep up with all things cheesy. And I thought I loved cheese, but I never would have imagined people would risk their neck for it!

http://www.cheese-rolling.co.uk/

White Gold

2009-07-23T14:15:00.000-04:00

If you haven't seen this yet, it is milk magical. White Gold, a milk rock star, says he is going to take his one gallon axe that he got from a crazy angel and rock the world's face! Milk certainly does a body good!

Check out the delicious dairy video below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj1-ZZRajDU

Hit Me Baby One More Time

2009-07-11T08:03:00.002-04:00

Anybody want to translate? A rather comical rendition of Britney Spears shows that our popular music is infecting those over seas as well. It is funny how much effort these people put into this. You can tell that they have organized practices based on the accordion player conducting. I am not exactly sure where these people are from but I am all ears to multilingual enthusiasts. In all fairness to the foreigners, the real Britney lip sings.

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/563251/99c389b2/engels_leren_.html

Men: Just A Science Project

2009-07-10T11:47:00.000-04:00

This is absolutely the most outrageous thing I have ever heard! Scientists can produce sperm from stem cells and foresee some future where they may be able to produce sperm from female embryos or something similar. Largely what this means is that men will really have no purpose on earth (according to the article).

This is just terrible. Some are saying to destroy all scientific evidence of this! Some are saying to just keep a few men around for pleasing women. And it was a man who discovered how to do this all in the first place!

I say they need to rethink their thinking. So if men are not needed for reproduction anymore does that really make us completely worthless? What about hard working men in politics, armies, and science? Who is going to do all the heavy lifting? Who is going to sing the other two parts in a four part chorus? And of course, who is going to comfort women and help out with raising children? There are just too many other factors to think that reproduction is the only thing keeping men valuable in this world. The fact of the matter is that when a woman gives birth there is a chance that the baby could be a boy or a girl. Who better knows boys then men? Families with only one parent in general suffer and have to make greater sacrifices. These families need the help from others more often. In many cases, men make these sacrifices less.

I hope there are woman out there who know how lonely the world would be without men. It is just silly to think that either half could be eliminated by science or whatever. That would be the end of the human race.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/8142104.stm

Ugliest Tattoos

2009-07-10T08:00:00.000-04:00

Have you ever seen a cool tattoo? Have you ever gotten real drunk and thought of a great idea that never happened and you were thankful? Well, these are the people that aren't so thankful. Some are very creative, but not exactly smart about thinking long term. Some are just poor poor ideas. All in all, try not to be bold enough to get yourself pictured on this site!

http://ugliesttattoos.com/

Jay-Z: Too Rich To Realize

2009-07-09T10:25:00.001-04:00

Another rather interesting article I found on soulbounce.com comments on Jay-Z stating that "Hip-hop has done more than any leader, politician, or anyone to improve race relations... Racism is taught in the home... and it's very hard to teach racism to a teenager who idolizes, say, Snoop Dogg. It's hard to say, 'That guy is less than you.' The kid is like, 'I like that guy, he's cool. How is he less than me?' That's why this generation is the least racist generation ever."

Other than the obvious fact that Jay-Z can't possibly be getting the same treatment in the circles he rolls with now compared to where he was before he was famous, I can't imagine Mr. 30's the new 20 hanging around with teenagers except for maybe slapping fives with them from high up on stage.

Hip-hop is great, but money is the reason why your status has changed.

So I think it's great that Jay-Z will speak his mind but I like it much more in song. Death Of Autotune is exactly what we need right about now.

http://www.soulbounce.com/soul/2009/03/you_believe_this_because_you_are_rich.php

Lil Wayne Wishes He Could

2009-07-09T09:58:00.001-04:00

I found this article pretty amusing after watching the BET awards. I understand that Lil Wayne is almost always cracked out, but his performance was dismal. I don't understand how he could possibly think that singing "I wish I could fuck every girl in the world" while little teenagers dance around him on stage could be good for his image or even entertaining. Maybe, like many other famous people that rose to the top too fast, he has a complex of some sort that makes him appear crazy to the everyday person.

In any case, check out the article and video below and let me know your two cents. Right now, Lil Wayne is getting a little dizzy trying to float up to the top.

http://jezebel.com/5303695/bet-awards-recap-lil-wayne-performs-inappropriate-song-with-underage-girls

http://www.lilwaynehq.com/2009/06/29/young-money-at-the-bet-awards-2009-live-performance-video/

BET Awards

2009-07-09T08:00:00.002-04:00

It is unfortunate that BET had to quickly change the show to be a tribute to Michael Jackson, but I really hope this doesn't count as the real tribute or anything close to their best effort. Mostly, they looked largely disorganized. Everything from the lousy sound man, to the incoherent censor bleeps, Debra Lee, and the lack of time management, it was lucky that people watched this to the end. Although the last song, "I'll be there", a Jackson Five cover performed by Jamie Foxx and Ne-Yo, was beautiful.

To list off a few more issues: T-Pain's giant chain said "Big ASS Chain" which was ok to display even though BET tried (and I say tried because they have no idea how to censor) to censor profanity including 'ass' throughout the show. Drake hurt his leg so his performance was done entirely while being perched on a stool. I think the O'Jays were bummed out that most of the show was spent on Michael Jackson so they decided to spend a good hour talking and performing. Joe Jackson did not look like he wanted to be there and decided to announce his new record label on the red carpet. TI's posse were just terrible and probably were not prepared to be on stage. Zoe Saldana decided to joke about Nichelle Nichols being in the bathroom when she came out on stage and did not make it look any more organized than it already wasn't. Also Lil Wayne's performance was horrible and the censor guy decided to just bleep out almost his whole verse. I suppose he shouldn't have even performed that song at all because of the amount of profanity in it but the song is not even that good either. And I figured that BET had ad banners above the stage to save on commercial time, but it still looked tacky and I am sure people watching live from the audience would have found them annoying. They have got to think of a better way for that.

Jamie Foxx and Ne-Yo get the gold star for their awesome singing performances. Runner up goes to Trey Songz, Tyrese and Johnny Gill for being more entertaining covering the O'Jays than the actual O'Jays which came up on stage after. Beyonce sang great of course, but I couldn't get over the flamboyantly ugly wedding costume that she switched into on stage. Other than that, I was not impressed by what should have been some of the best performances of the year.

Anyway, this guy pretty much says it all.

http://soulbounce.com/soul/2009/06/the_top_10_reasons_why_the_bet_awards_made_me_want_to_vomit.php

Death By Chocolate

2009-07-08T14:25:00.000-04:00

Seriously, this isn't a laughing matter. A man actually died by falling into a vat of chocolate. I am kind of amazed that this could even happen. If you are a factory that is dealing with large machinery including vats of anything, then shouldn't you have some sort of safety precautions in tact? Maybe some railings or danger signs? Why was this man even walking on top of a vat? If I was building a place like this I would probably put up fences and cages to make sure that no one had any issues. The factory now has to deal with bad press, the removal of all contaminated chocolate, the loss of an employee, and morally the fact that someone died. Terrible. Just think about all the hard work and lost lives that go into that Snickers bar you were craving.

http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=news/local&id=6904641

Trek Yourself

2009-06-19T11:26:00.001-04:00

So, I was going to go see the new version so that I'd have something witty to say here, but instead I went to go see the Hangover and Up. Unfortunately, that still leaves me in the never-ever-seen-star-trek bucket. Yup, I never even watched the old ones. I think that is probably because my grandmother used to tape them every night and it was way too much for me to get into my grandmother's shows.

But to show my support and commitment to one day seeing this movie I have trekked myself out. Complete with crazy sounds and gigantic space Cheez-Its, it is guaranteed to get your nerd juices flowing. Beam me up Scotty!

Now where is this playing in IMAX?

http://www.trekyourself.com/?mId=30152650.3

Awkward Family Photos

2009-06-16T17:43:00.001-04:00

She knows something's up.

Ever have that problem where no matter what you do you always look like a fool in every picture? Were you drunk? Probably. And this is perfectly fine but what if you inherited these traits from your family?

Now everybody squeeze in and smile! Ugh. It's almost a plan for disaster. Since the beginning of childhood, your family portraits have always been an awkward encounter followed by endless laughter from your parents and then followed by the discussion to promise to never show these pictures to anyone ever again. It wasn't that bad for you? Maybe your parents were photographers. Even if they were, you were probably caught once or twice leaning uncomfortably, over smiling like a cartoon character, or in the forever punching yourself in the chin pose.

Of course all these photos are forever buried for only your parents to whip out in the privacy of their own homes when you aren't looking (or at graduation or at your wedding or when you have children or whenever they want to embarrass you). Well that was before blogging! Now there is Awkward Family Photos where you can anonymously submit all the times you were forced to smile and pose in the most unnatural way with all your favorite family members! But don't worry, no matter how embarrassing you thought your family photos were, I am sure someone will top you.

You better check just in case your parents recently took a class on submitting old photos on the internet.

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Ms. Taken Is Mistaken

2009-06-11T16:59:00.001-04:00

Not only has Ms. Taken spoofed Andy's Samberg's short of "Jizz In My Pants," but she has used it as advertisement for fake engagement rings. This information may or may not be useful to anyone.

For guys, I am sure you may glance down at the left hand before you go overboard with the 200 dollar bar tab, but in reality it's not really going to stop you. It may weed out the really shy or the really sober, but those guys are either sitting in a corner by midnight or out the door.

For girls, I am sure you are trying to make it seem like you are way too special for anyone around, but then why are you there? Usually when you go to bars you are at least expecting the modestly attractive guys to buy you a drink. Now you are just narrowing it down to way over confident rich assholes or just drunks. Do you really want to pay fifty dollars so that you look cheap and scare all the nice ones away? Right, that probably does fit.

For ridiculous wannabe celebs, the link is below. The difference is that real celebs will still get hit on no matter what they are wearing.

For Ms. Taken, http://mstaken.com/

Cheating Bites

2009-06-02T18:11:00.000-04:00

Literally. This is not your classic boss/secretary love affair except for the fact that they were caught. Unfortunately, they were caught by a combination of the woman's husband's investigator and a van in reverse. I think this is more proof that airplanes are safer than cars in just about every way.

The below article describes that the woman was performing oral sex on her boss in her car in the Singapore park when a van struck her car causing her to bite off the man's penis. Ouch. This is bad news for everyone! Well, just the man and woman. The man will never be able to perform at full standards again and the woman will never get to perform on her secret lover again. How terrible! This brings me back to that saying where you don't mix work with play and especially not in cars. It seems like everyone always gets hurt in cars! And the park? That was really the best place for this? I am assuming a boss of anything would have his own office with locks. Even though I frown upon these crazy workplace antics which will almost always be exposed, at least he would have still had a penis.

As for the woman, she probably won't have that job anymore. Her husband has now successfully exposed her and gotten unintentional revenge on her mate so I doubt he will approve of her still working there if he decides to keep her in the first place. I can't really imagine her husband going for the partially bitten off penis mouth. The boss also probably won't want to keep her after this because of any number of reasons most definitely including the awkwardness that they will now forever have together. I hope he really enjoyed his last blow job! There is a fine line between pain and pleasure and this incident didn't even realize there was a line.

If you are cheating or involved in cheating right now, just remember that karma is a bitch! And also vans.

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?Woman_bites_lovers_penis_off_in_car_crash&in_article_id=646575&in_page_id=2

Presentation Gone Porn

2009-05-29T17:57:00.000-04:00

If you are a businessman or woman of some sort and you need to give a big presentation about something very important that you could possibly lose your job for if you mess up then you must remember: No porn!

You would think it would be the easiest of things to remember, but the below example shows it can happen to anyone. First of all, don't use your work computer to pleasure yourself. Sure companies tell you that they are not monitoring your computer activity but that doesn't mean it's safe to pull one out during your fifteen minute break. Haven't you ever heard, "Don't mix business with pleasure"? Clearly the Germans haven't. It is just not the right time to see if your boss is into the whole dominating over the desk office porno.

So possibly he was super stressed and just needed the release before his big presentation. No. Bad idea. Not on your work computer (refer to the point above)! Get an iPhone and some headphones. Get tints on your car windows. Rent a hotel room with that person you met on MySpace. Just not on your work computer. How does this happen?

So maybe he is a careless one that leaves his computer unlocked and unattended for hours at a time and his clever colleagues decided to play a practical joke on him. I guess they fooled him. Let's hope it wasn't the second time. Shame on them! Or you. Whichever. Definitely you! Damn! You have to keep track of your work property. This is even more important than your own property because if you mess up your work property then you will have to pay for it and you could possibly lose your job resulting in you having to sell your own property to make due. Insane, but still more sane than all the boobies you have trapped in your Windows box.

Now Mr. German businessman has to explain to his boss why boobs are more important than his work presentation. I can think of a number of reasons but none of which are going to help you not get fired, guaranteed! Take a hint from Mr. GB (German businessman) and keep your pants on until after work. I always knew there was a reason for all the German porn online. This guy needs a new career! I think I saw an opening on craigslist for fluffer.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/porn-screensaver-interrupts-presentation-nsfw

Glowing Dog Clones

2009-05-28T20:31:00.000-04:00

I think I am going to puke. Clones? Dog clones? Why? I thought dogs were man's best friend. Why would we want to go all Frankenstein scientist on them? The fact that they glow should be a hint to you that this is completely ridiculous.

Apparently scientists can plant genes into these dogs and the fact that they can successfully do this can help in developing cures for diseases. This sounds fantastic but I haven't seen any new breakthroughs in curing diseases. I just don't want to end up seeing an army of creepy glowing dogs! Are we going to try humans next? Are we going to mix and match genes? Can I make a Halle Berry, Eva Mendes clone that has a personality that clicks with mine? Can we make super intelligent super warriors to fight our wars?

So maybe there are some pros, but I can see this going bad quickly. This will have to turn into a political discussion. Is it moral to clone someone? Will people be asking to recreate their loved ones before they die? This definitely can't be good for overpopulation. There are going to have to be some limits. We definitely don't need anymore Nickelback.

Until I can get some reassurance that this research will actually help us develop cures and not more reality TV stars, then I don't like it. Dogs are way too cool to be treated like this.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30463427/

http://www.cbc.ca/technology/story/2009/04/29/glowing-beagles-ruppy.html

Red House Furniture

2009-05-18T17:55:00.002-04:00

"...where black people and white people buy furniture!" No, for real. "And Hispanic people too!" Barack is bringing change! Apparently it is not a given that black and white people can buy furniture in North Carolina so the Red House has made a commercial explicitly to point it out. Unfortunately the commercial is a minute and a half and therefore too long to get a simple point across. But it's North Carolina during a recession. Everybody deals with desperation their own way.

Richard, aka Big Head, asks, "Why can't we all just get along?" This question may just be far too complicated for this poor soul, but you can tell that his intentions are right. It's just a black man named Big Head trying to sell some furniture and he has some help from his white friends too!

Awkward and slow. That's probably the best two words to describe this commercial. There are times where it seems like they forgot they were supposed to say, "and black people," or "and white people," but then they squeeze it in at the very last moment. If the commercial wasn't so harmless looking with people that actually could remember everything they needed to say, then it would seem like it was made to be insulting but instead you have laugh a little and remember that there is a reason why everything is so cheap in the south (even the cost of two white Flight of the Conchords looking dudes to sing your theme song).

"At the Red House!" It is kind of catchy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnOyMSEWNTs

Kid Rock Stars

2009-05-16T17:22:00.003-04:00

For 9-year-old Vincent Fondale and 11-year-old Alex Raz, rocking out seems to be something they have been doing for years. Vincent, the lead singer, and Alex, the guitarist, perform in a band called Recess and will rock you as much as you would have imagined Robert Plant and Jimmy Page to do so if they had performed when they were 9. If there wasn't YouTube, you'd barely be able to tell that they weren't a professional band with grown men.

On Vince's site you can get a full schedule of where these kids of rock can be seen live. Don't forget your little sister! You can follow Vince's journey since he was age 2 performing and winning awards. Let's hope that he doesn't follow normal rock singer standards and end up disappearing for years on end to discover the meaning of life through substances you only heard existed.

Alex is not too shabby on the guitar either playing guitar solos you can only dream of playing in Rock Band. He has a MySpace page where he lists (about six times) that he was influenced by Joe Satriani as well as others like Van Halen. He performed the Star Spangled Banner at the Q stadium in Cleveland where he is as much of a fan of as when I was a kid and Michael Jordan was the king of the east. I wouldn't be surprised to see these kids of rock on TV some day soon rocking a crowd, but that probably won't happen as long as people still like watching American Idol. Check out the video below and rock out for yourself, but remember when you are thinking about taking off your pants that these rockers are only 9. Or 11, but still, that's young.

Recess: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUYe0XLe4o8

Vincent Fondale: http://www.vincentfondale.com/

Alex Raz: http://www.myspace.com/alexrazrocks

Alice

2009-05-12T18:03:00.000-04:00

As in Alice In Wonderland. As in a music video created almost entirely out of sounds from the actual Disney movie. As if the movie wasn't already trippy enough. YouTube creativity is one thing that I never thought would surprise me as much as it does.

Fagottron really created quite a unique and pleasing electronic piece. Oh, did I forget to mention that this video was posted by someone who goes by the alias Fagottron, as in Fagot-tron or Fag-o-ttron? I don't know, maybe it's really Fa-go-ttron (with as much French spice as you can)? Yeah, I am confused about that one too. Anyway It flows together very nicely and the video fits the atmosphere and rhythm perfectly. Try it out sometime when you are eating some craque.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAwR6w2TgxY

Twitter With Your Brain

2009-05-11T18:02:00.001-04:00

Adam Wilson, a doctoral student in biomedical engineering, and Justin Williams, his supervisor, developed a new technology recently that allows you to post something on Twitter just by thinking about it. Awesome indeed. Apparently they had heard something on the radio where someone asked, "Wouldn't it be great if you could Twitter just by thinking about it?" and then developed it in a few days. Talk about putting your mind to something.

Now you can put your mind on Twitter. The article focuses on how this will be helpful for people like Stephen Hawking who has ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), or for locked-in syndrome, or other paralysis. People who cannot move anymore could possibly control computers with their minds. So Twitter is cool, but what about other sites or programs like email or Word? What about cars or planes or robots? What if you could just think about braking instead of physically moving your foot from the gas to the brake? That would improve your chances of stopping in time in tight situations. No more getting your flip flop caught on the floor mat! We could have full robotic suits completely controlled by our minds. We could have Stephen Hawking Iron Men walking around. I am sure your imagination is exploding.

This is a fantastic breakthrough but there is still a lot of work and research to be done. Who knows how complicated it is to control a car with your brain? Twitter is a function that any near brain dead person can still complete with flying colors. This is still something that I hope is funded well and developed into something that could at least help people who cannot move but I also hope that we can use this to our advantage for future technology. Anything that uses computers could be helped by this development.

We could remotely land planes that are in trouble. Doctors could use robots to give medical attention to people that ambulances can't reach in time or that are in potentially hazardous areas. Hostages could notify authorities secretly. We could actually figure out what people are thinking about when they are dreaming. Cars could be hands free. Anything could be hands free. We could get rid of remotes. We could actually figure out who is lying in court! Ok, I am obviously thinking way out of the box. That would never be allowed even if we could.

Twittering with your brain might be dangerous. Ever think about something that you didn't really ever want to tell anyone? This would be far worse that drunk texting or emailing. Let's hope that Stephen Hawking doesn't use Twitter.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/22/twitter.locked.in/index.html

Real Life Superheroes

2009-05-08T18:01:00.001-04:00

Unfortunately, not as cool as you would think. Shadow Hare, a 21 year old male from Cincinnati, has decided to fight crime himself and create his own "Allegiance of Heroes." Seriously. His allegiance is a small group of men and one woman who also want to fight crime as so-called superheroes. They are from all over the country and communicate through online forums (or when they meet up at Comic Con). Some examples include Aclyptico from Pennsylvania, Wall Creeper from Colorado, Master Legend in Florida, and Mr. Extreme in California.

How retarded is this? Wall Creeper? The idea of someone saving you from a life threatening situation is awesome, but how would it sound if you heard, "Wall Creeper saves local family from robbers," in the newspaper? Sounds more like Wall Creeper is someone I'd want to avoid. I don't think anybody wants anyone creeping their walls at night. Master Legend sounds like Master Chief meets a bad Bruce Lee remake. Mr. Extreme? This guy sounds more like a magician on a skateboard, but I guess Mr. Incredible was already taken. Is Aclyptico going to save me by dancing the night away?

Shadow Hare claims that they help enforce the laws by doing what they can within legal standards. They only carry handcuffs, pepper spray, or other legal weapons. They patrol the streets and make citizen's arrests if they witness any crimes. He has his own MySpace page which includes a song named "Reckless Youth" and some Shadow Hare artwork that makes him look way more bad ass then he will ever be. He specifies in his profile details that he is a stunning 5'7'' and athletic, single, and that his occupation is "Superhero." I hardly think any criminals would be afraid of this guy. It looks like he drew on his pajamas and vowed to save the city with pepper spray and handcuffs. Good luck!

Everyone thinks superheroes are cool. When I was a kid, I used to read comic books and play with action figures and see all the movies. In fact, I am still really amused by all the movies, but this guy is out of his mind. Comic book creators have a wild imagination and exaggerate their feelings into impossible situations. Shadow Hare, although he wouldn't reveal his actual identity, is probably just a kid who is a big fan of comics and decided to take the American dream out of proportion. Who told him, "You can be whatever you want when you grow up!"? He also revealed that he was abused as a child so maybe he is trying to cope with that still. In any case, he has bitten off way more than he can chew and with the amount of Jokers I saw last Halloween, this guy might be in for a sick amount of pain. Let's hope there isn't a kid who always wanted to be an evil villain lurking around. I think Star Wars Kid has some anger built up. Allegiance assemble!

My advice to Shadow Hare: "Save your costume for Halloween parties and get out of Cincinnati before someone makes an example of you!"

http://www.wlwt.com/cnn-news/19305002/detail.html

Craque

2009-05-07T18:00:00.000-04:00

Pronounced like the drug, Craque is a homemade candy created by Freida Orange. She claims that after years of making the candy she decided to start selling it and the name, Craque, just refers to the fact that her friends always thought it was an addictive treat.

Apparently the name of the candy has caused some controversy because people feel that it is not the right message to send to kids. Kids like candy. Craque is candy. Kids like Craque. I get it, but is it really that bad? Possibly kids will learn to love Craque and not actual crack. Of course people always complain about stuff like this but I doubt they will be able to prove that Craque actually causes kids to become crackheads. So now we will have parents buying their children Craque. Pretty silly, but also pretty harmless. Children are going to find out sooner or later about harmful things in life and just the way you try to prevent children from learning swear words, violent behavior, or about sex, they will always find out before you are really prepared to explain it to them. Craque, however, is not harmful and maybe it can change the bad image associated with the word.

On the other hand, Freida Orange should have seen this one coming. Yes, I am sure many people have described something as "crack" because they like it so much and can't get enough of it, but I doubt it is wise to name a product that. She has already been battered by the media and I suppose that counts as free advertisement but it also comes with the risk of being labeled poorly.

If you check out the website, Craque is "bite sized pieces of Chex covered in Chocolate, Peanut Butter & powdered sugar." That sounds awesome, but it also sounds not original. It is a great idea, but I hope General Mills doesn't try to run over her. If her business becomes too big, I am sure they will add their two cents. Until then, I might try to get some Craque!

http://www.focraque.com/

Microsoft Surface

2009-05-06T18:00:00.002-04:00

Completely worthless? Possibly. Sure they look cool in James Bond movies where you can basically do anything and everything, but how much of that is realistic?

First off, it's a table. Cool, but not very practical. I can't imagine it being very comfortable to use for long periods of time where you have to lean over it like a coffee table. The number one issue I have with doing stuff on coffee tables: they are too low to the ground! Tables like this are better for placing drinks or magazines, but when you actually want to use them you would pick them up and only come back to the table when you want to put them back down again.

Second, it's Microsoft. Making incredibly un-user friendly products since they emerged. I think it's pretty incredible that Microsoft is at all trying to think out of the box, but they may have gone a little too far outside the box on this one. According to the Engadget article (that I have a link to below), the Microsoft Surface is incredibly frustrating to setup and requires a keyboard and a mouse! So Microsoft goes way outside the box to create a super touch screen coffee table and then decides that you still need a keyboard and a mouse? That sounds like a blatant contradiction to me. Are they trying to make everything difficult? Can we get one product from Microsoft that is ready out the box?

Third, it's huge. 275 pounds huge. 17,000 dollars huge. You are going to need a forklift and a crowbar just to get the thing open. It's being called "the big-ass box." While most every electronic anything is being designed to be made smaller, Microsoft is going bigger. Once you get it inside you better really really like its placement in the room because you are probably not ever going to move it again. I am sure Microsoft will have a lot of fun marketing this to the public in 2011.

For the past year or so, Microsoft has shipped these big-ass boxes to big spenders like the Sheraton or the i-Bar in the Rio hotel in Vegas. I have included some ridiculous ads that highlight that they own a Microsoft surface and they show people having way too much fun with them. I can't wait til the next movie highlights the murder or sex scene with a Microsoft Surface. That's a good way to bump up your production bill! Overspending. That's exactly what this country needs right now.

To get even more ridiculous, Microsoft has a prototype of a multi-touch sphere which they have cleverly named the Microsoft Sphere. It is a similar idea to the Surface but only in a spherical shape. I am curious how Microsoft is going to sell this one. At this point, I can only think of a few good uses for this design. It would be a great interactive globe. It would be a cool item in a museum to share pictures where many people could interact with it at once. After that it gets thin. Not sure how much Microsoft is going to sell this surface for, but if it's anywhere near 17,000, I am not sure museums and global fanatics are going to be rushing with their credit cards.

Microsoft is definitely being creative, but maybe that's not such a good thing. In any case, pong is going to be so much cooler on a big-ass table.

Engadget article: http://www.engadget.com/2009/04/24/microsoft-surface-setup-impressions-filled-with-mind-bogglingl/

Unboxing: http://www.engadget.com/2008/08/20/first-microsoft-surface-shipped-international-unboxed/

More Engadget: http://www.engadget.com/2007/06/20/microsoft-surface-one-day-your-computer-will-be-a-big-ass-table/

Microsoft Sphere: http://www.engadget.com/2008/08/14/more-on-microsofts-sphere-revealed-in-new-video-and-diagrams/

More Sphere: http://www.engadget.com/2008/07/29/microsoft-sphere-surfaces-in-redmond/

Sheraton ad: http://www.engadget.com/2008/08/12/microsoft-surface-checks-into-sheraton-hotels/

Rio hotel ad: http://www.engadget.com/2008/06/12/video-viva-las-surface/

Blu Art Evolving

2009-05-05T18:00:00.000-04:00

Mysterious. Creepy. Intriguing. Incredible. Ridiculous? This video, Muto, shows art evolving. Artists from Blu animated their paintings on public walls in Buenos Aires and Baden.

I have definitely seen art work similar to this, but the fact that they made it into seven and a half minutes of animation is crazy. The scale of the drawings is also huge. It would take hours just to make a flip book look awesome because you would have to draw several drawings and you would probably only come up with a few seconds of animation. I can only imagine how long it took to create this. On top of that, it takes some talent to make these drawings look believable when they interact with real items along or protruding from the walls.

Enjoy watching the video below but don't get too close because you might get sucked into the wall.

http://blublu.org/sito/video/muto.htm

Unreal Bicycle Street Trials

2009-04-26T18:00:00.000-04:00

Danny MacAskill shows off some of the most amazing and difficult bicycle tricks I have ever seen. The man is basically perfect in the video except for a few falls at the beginning that I suppose the editor left in to make him seem human. Otherwise, I might have thought he defied gravity in this video. I wonder how many times he has injured himself or his bicycle trying to do these things. The next time you think it's impossible to ride your bicycle in a certain place, Danny will prove you wrong.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z19zFlPah-o

Children's Books Not For Children

2009-04-25T18:00:00.000-04:00

Hiroshima No Pika
Who Cares About Disabled People?
I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much
Outside Over There
The House That Crack Built
Sometimes My Mommy Gets Angry
The Poodle-Pug-Dachshund-Pinscher
Latawnya, The Naughty Horse, Learns to Say “No” to Drugs
Cautionary Tales For Children
Alfie’s Home

This might be the most shocking list of books that I have ever seen and it's even more disturbing that they were meant to be read to children! The authors of these books clearly were not thinking of the best interest of the child or were so prejudice against something that it clouded their judgment of what they should tell children. Ever wonder why parents tell little white lies to their children so that they do not have to explain the realistic details of something? The authors of these books did not get that memo. I am not a parent, but I am pretty sure that any of these books would have instantly made my childhood a freak show. Just remember that if you want to warn your child about hardships in life, you probably have a better chance letting them watch South Park than reading them any of these books!

http://www.cracked.com/blog/10-great-childrens-books-for-people-who-hate-their-children/

Ban Comic Sans

2009-04-24T18:00:00.005-04:00

Comic Sans, a typeface created by Vincent Connare, is getting some buzz because people are sick of seeing it. How dumb is that? A typeface that was originally created to look like a font that you would use in a comic book is now being so overused and misused that there is actually a huge following to ban it. There are several websites dedicated to signing petitions to get rid of the typeface. There are websites with pictures taken from all over the world where Comic Sans is misused. There are even t-shirts and merchandise to support the propaganda. What? Why?! This is just hate. Maybe it's because Microsoft includes the font with their software. Maybe it's because they are jealous that they didn't make it. Maybe it's because it's so ridiculously popular that it's being used for everything everywhere. But seriously, it's just a font. Just use a different one if you don't like it. Why don't you just make a website called Ban Microsoft Windows?

On the official Ban Comic Sans website, there is a statistics page which predicts the usage of Comic Sans til 2030. They basically claim that the popularity is rising so much and so quickly that everyone will be using it by 2030 to the point where places like McDonald's or Starbucks will actually change their logos to use the font. They even have a picture of the famous Hollywood sign in Comic Sans. This is such a gross overreaction it makes me think these are the same people that are running the push for more bailouts. If I see Comic Sans on the one dollar bill in 20 years then you can smack me across the face and say "I told you so," but until then I call this bullshit.

Vincent makes a super successful font and everyone wants to bring him down. He doesn't even get any royalties for it because Microsoft owns everything. He even accepted the use of his picture (for a little while) for the Ban Comic Sans logo. If people are going to misuse the font, let them. Doesn't that give you a leg up? Do you really think that a business person is going to be impressed by a resumé in Comic Sans? In fact, I don't even take Ban Comic Sans seriously because they use the font for all of their logos and merchandise. Isn't that what you are fighting against? You are just making it even more popular and making people more aware that it exists. It's not enough that people already unconsciously are attracted to the font, but now you have to go and point it out? Give me a break. This is a pointless war. How many times have we heard that before? I think I might actually buy a Ban Comic Sans shirt just so I can advertise the font. If you want someone to take you seriously, at least fight for something that matters. There are people screaming for help in this world and all you want to do is argue why people don't understand how to use Comic Sans? Don't quit your day job.

The buzz: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123992364819927171.html

Ban Comic Sans website: http://www.bancomicsans.com/

Microsoft Comic Sans site: http://www.microsoft.com/typography/web/fonts/comicsns/

A Comic Sans shirt: http://www.veer.com/products/merchdetail.aspx?image=VPR0001503

Ban Comic San petition: http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/bancomicsans

Mow The Lawn

2009-04-21T18:00:00.001-04:00

Wilkinson Sword is the creator of a controversial ad for Quattro bikini razors. The ad was originally created in the UK and ended up getting banned by the US. A much tamer US version was put together but the original video is actually quite hilarious.

The ad has three woman (black, Asian, and white) singing, "Mow The Lawn" while dancing around trimming hedges. At first glance it seems harmless, but it is clear they are talking about shaving their pubic hair. The black woman says, "Some bushes are really big," and the Asian woman says, "Some gardens are mighty small." It doesn't get any more subtle than that! The white woman then says, "All that's left for me to see are tulips on the mound," which is about the time that you would explode laughing. The ad is so over the top cheesy and cliche that it is laughable. So why is the ad making some upset?

There is a lot of buzz going around saying that this ad may have gone too far. Some women are offended and some (especially commercial censors in the US) feel that it is not appropriate for TV. Well maybe the ad is not as subtle as some hoped but has it really gone too far? Not really. It's comedy. Obviously you are not going to take a lawn mower to your nether regions but it is metaphor. There are already plenty of other ads about women's products that you can't really directly say on TV. If there are tampon ads with the "not so fresh feeling" quote then I am pretty sure we can deal with mow the lawn. Why wouldn't we want to promote women shaving? It seems to be the popular side. Women with big bushes are often joked about as having an overgrown 70's style look. Many women already do shave regularly and many men expect most will. Either the censors were offended women or men who still enjoy the 70's bush. Regardless, I don't understand how someone could be more offended than amused by this ad. It is not exposing women who have not shaved. It's merely promoting shaving so that women will buy their razors. Makes sense to me. Works the same as any other ad that makes a joke about something to get you to buy their product. Even if shaving for women was not the norm when has TV ever not tried to push their image on you. There used to be smoking ads but those were banned because smoking is bad for you. Now there are fast food ads and soda ads and clothing ads. Eat this. Drink that. Wear these. TV has always been telling us what to do. Why not shave that? Fast food and soda are more harmful to your body than razors. Why don't we keep some ads on TV that actually promote something that could help you?

Wilkinson Sword's (isn't that a fitting name?) Quattro bikini razors ad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFSgXpyhoM

NOM, That Is Just Not Right

2009-04-20T18:00:00.001-04:00

Swing and a miss. If you haven't heard, NOM (National Organization for Marriage) recently put out an ad to raise awareness against gay marriage. The ad gets its image across rather quickly by saying "A storm is coming," and having dark storm clouds as a backdrop. So are they saying the gays are coming? Is this an invasion of gay marriage? What does NOM actually think they'll lose?

Percentage points in polls. On the NOM website, they have a page that basically coaches you on what to say to defend your position against same sex marriage. On the page titled "Marriage Talking Points," they claim in their first bullet point that "Extensive and repeated polling agrees that the single most effective message is: 'Gays and Lesbians have a right to live as they choose, they don’t have the right to redefine marriage for all of us.'" They warn against the use of the phrase, "Ban same-sex marriage," and this is in bold. The website also states, "Our base loves this wording," referring to the use of the word "ban" when talking about same sex marriages. Of course their reasoning behind all of this is because it helps their percentage points in polls. Why in the world would they want to be this straight forward on a public website? This is like a salesman saying to a customer they are trying to make a sale to, "I am only paying for your dinner because I want you to feel comfortable enough to buy all of my products." It's obviously the case, but you don't say it. If I were running the campaign for a presidential candidate, I wouldn't say that I hated the other candidate publicly and directly.

It sounds like to me that they are desperate for followers. NOM does not seem to have any strong points to why same sex marriage shouldn't be allowed. Instead they flood their website with points like, "That is just not right," and "If courts rule that same-sex marriage is a civil right, then, people like you and me who believe children need moms and dads will be treated like bigots and racists." (Excuse the excess of commas but it is a direct quote from the website.) They claim that same sex marriage interferes with love saying, "Marriage isn’t just any kind of love; it’s the special love of husband and wife for each other and their children." They also call same sex marriages "radical social experiments." And they are worried about the use of 'ban'! Name calling does not count as making a strong point for or against something. The problem with these arguments is that gays would think it is right, they would be in love, and they would think that they should have a place in today's society. So everything you say I disagree! There! I win!! Seems a little childish. If NOM actually had some strong points, then maybe they wouldn't have to defend themselves against claims of being bigots or racists. You know a bigot is "a person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices ; especially : one who regards or treats the members of a group (as a racial or ethnic group) with hatred and intolerance" (right from the Merriam-Webster dictionary). What this means is that someone, particularly NOM, cannot just say same sex marriage is wrong without being called a bigot. So they say, "That is just not right," and beat around the bush a little and hope that everyone will agree with them. But what is the real purpose behind all this?

"Quark Xpress founder Tim Gill and his network of pro-same-sex marriage millionaires are pumping millions into state elections." That sounds like an answer and I didn't even have to look further then their own website! NOM calls same sex marriage a "threat to marriage," and Tim Gill looks to eliminate this "threat" with his power packed pockets. Not a bad strategy for an organization that is so church heavy. In a different time, this would probably end up being a war so I am glad that now we can at least debate even though the side with the most money will have an advantage. In this sense not much has changed and NOM will be as stubborn as possible to make sure that change does not come to modify the definition of marriage.

The most compelling page on the website is, "Why Marriage Matters," and they have included links to documents in English and Spanish for Protestant, Catholic, and Jewish church goers to distribute in their churches. This document, "lays out the social scientific reasons why marriage between one man and one woman is best for children and society." Other than the irony of using scientific reasons to prove a point in churches, this document does have clear cut arguments on why marriage is best for children and society. Unfortunately these points are in a document outside of their website and I doubt many people will actually look at this first. Of course in my opinion, this scientific research won't necessarily apply to households living under same sex marriage because many of their points refer to broken marriages and the data is clearly based on the assumption that a marriage is between a man and a woman. This actually makes it very difficult for NOM to argue their point because they can't really compare to same sex marriages and how they effect society, scientifically. How can they argue that same sex marriages won't have the same effect on society as marriages between a man and a woman? Wouldn't allowing same sex marriages increase the number of households that can be married and also increase any positive effects marriage has on society? This research can only really be explored after same sex marriage is allowed. Maybe we should ask Vermont or Massachusetts for advice.

NOM came out swinging. They have alerted me of their existence. Their commercial, in that regard, is effective. After laughing hysterically at the commercial and checking out their website I am not impressed with their writing or debate skills. If you ask me, gays have always been around and they have always had their own sexual interests. Just because they want to start and raise a family their own way does not mean that it is not based on love, or unconstitutional, or wrong. They are not attacking any other household not unlike any other household with a marriage between a man and a woman. They are not trying to marry more than one person or claim any more benefit than any other American that is married. They are just trying to be equal. Equality is constitutional. So why is it so troublesome to NOM that same sex marriage is starting to be allowed in some states? I know, I know, "That is just not right." Good point.

I encourage you to check out the NOM website and offer your own opinion on their skills or lack of skills. I have also included the original commercial and the Colbert parody which is actually just as hilarious if not more so than the original.

Original: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wp76ly2_NoI

Colbert parody: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg_876Sjss8

NOM website: http://www.nationformarriage.org/site/c.omL2KeN0LzH/b.3836955/k.BEC6/Home.htm

Surgical Fir Tree Removal

2009-04-14T18:00:00.000-04:00

New on the list of surgical procedures, fir tree removal. Russian surgeons removed a man's lung thinking he had cancer only to find out that the tumor was actually a two inch fir tree. What?! What the hell is going on? I am not a doctor but I understand there are a lot of tests for someone who supposedly has cancer. Am I supposed to believe that with all the brain power doctors have, they couldn't tell the difference between a fir tree and a tumor in an x-ray? Looks pretty clear to me. Russian elementary schools must have mixed up the flashcards. Dog, fish, boat, fir tree! Actually young man, that is a cancer tumor. For real? Surgery is not the only solution to cancer. What if this man had elected to go with chemo first? I suppose chemo would have killed a fir tree so maybe that would have worked better. Instead, this man is out of a lung. I figure he is lucky it wasn't actually cancer but if you were the doctor, there is no covering this one up. Some one's getting fired.

On the other hand, who is retarded enough to end up with a fir tree in their lung? The medical staff claim that the fir tree was too large to be swallowed so he must have inhaled a seed that grew into the tree. This kind of makes sense, but in a world where people eat swords, small whole animals, and various sexual items, I think it's more believable that he ate the tree whole. The same medical staff that thought a fir tree was a cancerous tumor now wants us to believe that a tree grew inside of a man's lung? I thought trees needed sunlight and water to grow. Who has sunlight or water in their lungs? Actually if you had either in your lungs you'd probably be worse off then someone with a fir tree in their lungs. Water in your lungs means you are drowning. Sunlight in your lungs means... I don't know, but it probably means you are already dead. I guess I am supposed to believe that the oxygen inhaled into his lungs and the warmth inside his body nursed the fir tree to a healthy two inches. Maybe it's more believable than a trained doctor thinking a fir tree looks like a tumor in an x-ray image.

How could this happen exactly? This may go down as one of the many unsolved mysteries of the world next to the cat from Idaho that robs you of your clothing and why celebs always get DUI's. At this point, a second medical opinion may be necessary for someone who is being diagnosed with something as serious as cancer, especially if your doctor is Russian.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1169861/Shocked-Russian-surgeons-open-man-thought-tumour--FIR-TREE-inside-lung.html

No Fortune Cookie

2009-04-12T23:52:00.003-04:00

I seriously thought that they called them fortune cookies because they were supposed to tell you your fortune, not tell you lousy jokes. What has the fortune cookie industry come to? Apparently the recession has even hit them.

This Cat Will Jack You

2009-04-12T22:03:00.001-04:00

Jack, a cat in Idaho, steals clothing at night. This was considered breaking news on CNN after the cat's owner decided to hang all the stolen clothing in front of her house with a sign saying that neighbors could help themselves if they had recently lost any items. The cat stole a variety of clothes ranging from hats, shorts, underwear and a total of 27 gloves. The owner said that she may call someone who talks to cats for 60 dollars an hour.

Yes, the cat is nutty, but the solution is not going to be a cat shrink. Is that really a real job? How does one "talk" to cats and deduce why they do what they do? Just a suggestion: keep track of your cat before you go to bed! Most people that have pets usually keep them inside or at least on their own property. You are just going to let your cat roam around at night? You know your cat is a thief and your solution is to get a cat shrink and hold a free yard sale? Possibly the owner is the one who needs the shrink. Let's hope that she doesn't have children too. If you can't keep track of your own cat, then how would you keep track of children? Discipline is clearly not in this woman's arsenal.

The other thing that comes to mind is how is this cat so successful at stealing people's clothing? Some of the items that were mentioned were brand new or designer so I would think that this cat is not fumbling through dumpsters. Is this cat going into people's homes? How does a cat open doors or windows? I doubt the cat is a locksmith. I would hope that the people in this neighborhood lock their doors. They should definitely lock their doors now that this is public news. If a cat can break into your house then you are lacking some security. ADT certainly missed this market. Still, it doesn't all add up to me. Either everyone has an open doggy door or the cat is getting some help. Maybe there aren't any locks. Maybe everyone has a light swinging door as their front door and they leave their laundry next to it.

The cat also kills birds. Killer and thief. The cat has plenty of gloves to clean up all his crimes too. Idaho really has their hands full with this cat burglar!

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2009/04/08/bishop.id.cat.burglar.kxly

Dance Moves That Rock

2009-04-08T18:00:00.000-04:00

Proof that kids really do understand what is played on the radio, this video features a couple of kids that like to get low. In fact, I think one of them kissed the floor. If you are not impressed by this routine, then I don't know why we even have America's Best Dance Crew on TV. Wait, I don't know why that's on TV anyway.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxfe8YTd6N4

Obama Fried Chicken

2009-04-07T18:00:00.000-04:00

After Sprehe's Obama Fingers, I knew it wouldn't be long before people started trying to profit from Barack in America with the same strategy. Two restaurants in NYC have renamed themselves to Obama Fried Chicken. In the news article (link below), the staff from the newly renamed fried chicken fast food places claim that the new name is meant to pay homage to Barack and a manager was quoted saying, "He [the owner of Obama Fried Chicken] loves him seriously." Does this sound familiar? Sprehe also claimed that they were trying to make an attempt to pay homage to Barack. Clearly, these establishments are not trying to be offensive or racist but it still has upset some people.

I think that Obama has seriously made people crazy. There is so much love for Obama that we are willing to put his name on anything. Of course, people are only upset when he is named in association with fried chicken. At this point, Obama's popularity has risen to a point where people will stop at nothing to try to associate themselves with him. Can you blame them? This country has been looking down on itself for the last eight years and even more so recently. What better way to inspire each other and bring hope by naming everything after the one that we think can save us all! Absolutely insane. Everyone has completely overreacted. If our country's spending went down two percent (hypothetically) should the government force spending increases of thirty percent? That's like being down twenty points at half in a basketball game and then trying to bomb threes to get back into the game instead of playing good defense and chipping away slowly at the lead. You wouldn't throw hail mary's every play if you still had an entire quarter left of football to make a comeback. So Obama can't fix everything instantly and Obama can't make sure that your fast food spot has enough revenue to keep all its employees. If we continue at this rate, we are going to be walking down Obama Street with our Obama kicks on looking for a nice Obama restaurant to eat at before heading to the Obama theater to see "Obama: The Musical." O-BA-MA! (I think it will slowly catch on as an expression of excitement or astonishment.) The last administration focused on keeping everyone in a state fear. This administration seems to be focused on overreacting to everyone's complaints. There's not enough spending. The economy is in decline. People are loosing their jobs. Banks are suffering. Companies are loosing money. We really are a spoiled country. Everyone has ups and downs. Every country has hard times and good times. Recently we enjoyed very very good times. Currently we are having some not so good times. I don't think America is going to crash and burn tomorrow. The apocalypse is not around the corner. Let's all just take it easy for a second. Obviously if you are someone who lost their job or is running a failing business some adjustments will need to be made. No biggie. Adjustments always need to be made. Everything isn't perfect all the time. Just don't think you can piggyback Obama to pull yourself out of it. Hard work may need to be done.

Good luck to Obama Fried Chicken if they are really trying to make a homage to Obama, but I wouldn't count on KFC to move over for the big O bomb you dropped. OFC is kind of catchy but I doubt anyone is going out of their way to make it to your fried chicken except maybe to yell at you for your offensiveness or to see if they can get mentioned in the same news article as Obama.

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2009/04/03/2009-04-03_nycs_obama_fried_chicken_restaurants_ruf.html

Bruno

2009-04-05T11:45:00.001-04:00

First there was Ali G. Then there was Borat. Now there is Bruno. The hilarious man who takes real situations way over the top, brings us the third installment of his original creations. Sacha Baron Cohen plays a gay Austrian supermodel who finds himself in the most awkward situations with people that still have not realized that he is a famous comic trying to expose their honest reactions for all of us to laugh at on the big screen. I am not sure how he can still find people who don't know who he is unless he filmed them all five years ago, but as long as these people exist, Sacha can continue to make them all look like idiots and I think we'll all be pretty amused. I wonder how many people are pissed off and looking for him so that they can give him a good beating. I wonder how many times he has already been punched while trying to film these situations. If you don't know what I am talking about then you might just be one of these people in his next movie, but it's not all bad. You can get a sneak peak before it all goes down this July.

http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/bruno/international-red-band-trailer

Thru You

2009-03-30T18:00:00.000-04:00

Thru You is a website created by a person who goes by the name Kutiman. He simply take clips from YouTube of people playing different instruments or singing and cuts them up to form his own unique songs. It is quite entertaining. He states that his website "is a venue for music and art appreciation. The videos and music is shared out of love and respect, and is only meant to help expose and promote the featured artists." Unique and creative, he has definitely come up with an awesome idea, but he is also definitely smoking something. None the less, I wonder if he is coming out with an mp3 CD.

http://thru-you.com/

LED Sheep

2009-03-29T18:00:00.001-04:00

Proof that sheep will do anything you tell them to and proof that being a shepherd allows you way too much spare time. I suppose the shepherds of New Zealand have some competition.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2FX9rviEhw

Octuplet Mom

2009-03-28T18:00:00.003-04:00

[Warning: Comprehending this situation may cause severe head trauma.]

Let's see if I can get this straight (incoming run on sentence): Nadya Suleman gave birth to octuplets using in vitro fertilization which she paid for with her disability payments she got from a spine injury she got at work during a riot and she already has six kids at home (which were also birthed with in vitro) which is a 3-bedroom house that she occupies with her mother and her only income is food stamps and she is still in school and already owes 50,000 for educational loans and also has medical bills on top of that. A moment to gasp for air, aspirin, and anything else that may make it easier to comprehend this nonsensical news.

Clearly this has been splattered all over the news for months and most everyone has already heard about it, but it still does not make it any less shocking. Many questions arise from this. Should someone be allowed in vitro when they already have six kids? Whose fault is this, mom or doctor? Is she crazy? Does she need mental help? How will these kids be provided for? Will social services take them? Who is ultimately going to pay for this irresponsibility?

Many explanations have also come out. She has obsessive compulsive disorder. She is desperate for children. She is mentally insane. She always wanted to be a mother and have a big family. She wants to be like Angelina Jolie. She is just doing it to get attention and money from the media.

From my point of view, none of this makes any sense. How could this happen? The doctor is obviously retarded. I thought you needed lots of education to be a doctor, but judgment is something that is not apparently included. I always thought doctors were supposed to help people. How could implanting six more embryos into a 33-year old woman help in any way? The only other thing I could think of is that the doctor was looking for the fat paycheck that comes along with this procedure and decided not to care about what could actually happen. Many other doctors have stated publicly that two or three embryos would have been plenty. Still nine children total would have been an uncomfortable situation for a single mother living with her mother in a 3-bedroom house.

I believe that woman should have a choice over their own bodies, their children, and how they should go about giving birth to them. At this point, should we ask if there should be some fine print underneath? Say someone both rich and crazy (not that unusual of a situation) is OCD and loves children as much as Nadya or Angelina. With a doctor as blind as Nadya's would they be allowed to have as many multiple births as possible? How would this be limited?

We have all heard the Angelina jokes about how she is going to steal your babies. Now Nadya has 14 and is totally smoking Angelina's total. Still that doesn't beat the Duggers' 18 and counting, but it does trump John and Kate's plus 8. All of these large families get a lot of media attention. Possibly Nadya figured that she would at least get some money from the media attention if not a TV show? I think I heard there were already book and movie offers on the table. Talk about selling your soul along with 14 others. I already think it's ridiculous enough that Angelina, The Duggers, and John and Kate have so many children, but at least they all have some reasonable means of providing for their children financially.

Unfortunately, what is probably going to happen is that people are going to give this mad woman money, she is going to get a book deal, she is going to get a movie, and she is going to get so much attention that she will become faux famous. I feel sorry for the kids. Now it doesn't sound too bad to be living under the "baby hoarding" Angelina Jolie anymore. Let's just hope that this doesn't produce anymore copycats.

If you can look past the wannabe Angelina lips and the rest of the baby obsessed octo-monster, then you may be able to donate some money on her family website so these kids might actually have a chance to have a life and the people of California won't have to pick up after her. I wonder if this could make Arnold mad enough to return to his true Terminator form. Although if all of us completely ignored this situation and did not donate anything, she might just loose all the media attention, book and movie deals, and social services would have a reason to properly take care of her children. But that will never happen. She has basically given all the major news networks a job for the last few months.

http://www.thenadyasulemanfamily.com/

Michelle Owen

2009-03-27T18:00:00.000-04:00

Ever have an ex-girlfriend who is constantly trying to get you back for the failed relationship she blames you for? Most guys can probably say yes. What about one that also fucks dogs? Most guys would probably go for the awkward pause reaction.

In Indiana, Michelle Owen tried to get her ex-boyfriend arrested by having the police check her computer for child pornography which she thought her ex was searching for on her computer. Instead, the police find videos of Michelle and a dog (apparently a beagle) engaging in "illicit acts." Poor dog. What the hell is with people from Indiana? Ok, I admit that I don't really know that much about Indiana and this could probably happen to anyone anywhere right?

First, why would you be dumb enough to try to frame your ex by using your computer as evidence? That might be the most retarded part of this sad story. Second, why would you leave incriminating videos on your computer before giving it to the police? That just makes Michelle look completely clueless and it doesn't even explain why she would even have those types of videos anyway. According to Michelle "[they] were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it." This was her explanation to the police! When has that ever worked? That doesn't even work for celebrities getting DUIs. According to the article below, she knew the video files were there and admitted it to police when questioned about it. And finally for Michelle, do you know that you have to empty the recycle bin for files to be completely deleted? Apparently not and now the whole world knows you like dogs, at least when you are not sober. Good luck getting into bars!

Check out the police affidavit and remember to keep any eye on your beagle the next time you drive through Indiana.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0318091dog1.html

Michael Jordan Signature Steaks

2009-03-26T18:00:00.002-04:00

What has the legendary retired basketball player been doing in his spare time besides giving underwear to Cuba Gooding Jr. and branding every new NBA rookie's shoes with himself? Apparently, he has been branding high quality steaks that you can purchase online. He has steak packages such as The Ultimate Starting Lineup which includes 13oz bottles of Special23 Steak Sauce, Classic23 Steak Sauce, Ginger Balsamic "Delmonico" Steak Sauce, Sweet Peppercorn Steak Sauce and 18oz bottles of All-Star Barbeque (BBQ) Sauce and Slam Dunk Wing Sauce. The Half Court Press includes one 13oz bottle of Special23 Steak Sauce and one 13oz bottle Classic23 Steak Sauce along with two of each of their best selling aged USDA Prime steaks: 10oz Filet Mignon steaks, 10oz New York strip steaks and 16oz Ribeye steaks. There is also The Full Court Press and The Dream Team packages. There is a guarantee stating, "If you are not satisfied with your purchase from MichaelJordanSteaks.com for any reason, we will replace your purchase or refund your money, whichever you prefer." It's nice that MJ gives you a choice. And if it wasn't enough that all the sauces have the number '23' in their names and that all the packages refer to basketball terms, the copyright at the bottom of the website states, "Copyright 2008, Jump Higher Ingredients, L.L.C. All Rights Reserved." Wow, MJ has really outdone himself, but can you expect anything less than legendary from him?

Just because the combination of basketball terms and steaks is a little comical doesn't mean Michael Jordan doesn't take his online steak business very seriously. According to MJ, a low priced steak package will cost you over 100 dollars and a high priced steak package as high as 450 dollars! There is not much you can buy under 50 dollars unless you want steak sauces, MJ steakhouse wear such as hats and aprons, or the classic MJ bobble head which doesn't feature MJ in his normal Air Jordan pose, but standing with an apron and a plate of steaks. Although the website is fairly new, Michael Jordan Steakhouse has been open in NYC since 1997. If you are a giant basketball fan, then it might not be the place for you unless you are also a fine steak connoisseur. There is no sports memorabilia at the steakhouse, but instead, "offers steak lovers and sophisticated diners alike a legendary dining experience" according to his mjrestaurants.com website. I suppose MJ is more focused on his businessman personality rather than his basketball legend personality, but I have to appreciate that the man can still be successful off the basketball court even though the name he made for himself is undeniably a big push for his businesses. He also has another location in the Mohegan Sun casino in Connecticut with a sport cafe. The sport cafe is just a fancy way of saying sports bar because this version of MJ's love for steak contains a full 360 view of MJ sports memorabilia and 11 television screens.

It is not any surprise to me that Michael Jordan can sell high class steaks because of his incredible basketball career. It's not really any different than George Foreman selling his fantastic meat cookers. Let's just hope that the next bald retired sports star doesn't eat salad.

If you think the grocery store prices are high, try buying a few from MJ himself!

http://www.michaeljordansteaks.com/

http://www.mjrestaurants.com/

Internet Humiliation

2009-03-25T18:00:00.007-04:00

If you had to recall an embarrassing moment that you had experienced in your past, you would most likely come up with something that only a small amount of friends, family, or classmates witnessed and probably have now forgotten about. Everyone has a few slip ups that they have tried to forget since they left elementary school or middle school or high school or college or Vegas. In fact the only times these stories ever rear their ugly heads again is when an old time friend pulls the awkward moment card or your family meets your new significant other. You probably said once or twice in your life, "I was so stupid back then." Well, now you don't have to wait for that rare awkward moment because the Internet exists. And more specifically, Facebook and Twitter exist. Now, you can be publicly shamed for the whole world to see and remember forever or at least until someone trumps your stupidity.

If you are looking for your "star wars kid" two minutes of fame, you may be sadly derailed. Your two minutes of fame might actually be getting fired from your job and your picture posted in web articles all over the world. It's probably going to feel a lot longer than two minutes, but there is good news. Someone will probably make the same mistake ten times over the next day.

These incidents have resulted in the creation of new lingo such as "Facebook fired" or most recently, "Twitter fired." So when you land that new job with the fat paycheck, don't twitter that you hate the work. To me, it seems bizarre that this could be such a common mistake. Clearly Facebook and Twitter have expanded our personal lives into the Internet, but does anyone really believe that a wall-to-wall post on Facebook with a friend is a private conversation? Does anyone believe that anything you post on the Internet is private at all? This cannot be the case for people like the Cisco Fatty who lost their newly acquired job for their Twitter post that insulted the company. If they had really thought their post wasn't private then why would they assume that their boss wasn't reading on the other end? That's like someone blogging their personal journal and then getting upset because their partner found out they were cheating on them. You wouldn't make jokes about your boss with your coworkers right outside their office would you? Clearly people think there is some sort of comfort zone behind their computer. But not everyone is penalized as heavily as the Cisco Fatty. A Senator twittered the inner discussions in the White House and did not get fired. They merely decided not to agree with what was being discussed for the day. A soldier twittered his whereabouts in Iraq and did not get booted from the service. But an Eagles Stadium usher did get fired over his Facebook post about his distaste with the Dawkins trade. How serious is this? How stupid are people? How extreme are companies being firing people over Facebook and Twitter posts? Obviously it seems to be a case by case decision, but I think people are meshing their personal lives a little too incautiously.

Social websites were a fun solution for passing time for teens that were too antisocial for the actual face to face or for teens who couldn't get out the house later in the evening. Then they became a good way for people to keep in touch with friends that moved away. Then they became a good way for people to get their name out and advertise their talents. Now it seems to be a place for people to write their everyday thoughts and feelings. This extreme evolution has caused people to forget that the Internet is not a 100% trustworthy medium. People are trusting social networks with information that they should not be sharing. What happened to the parents that were scared of their teen getting seduced by a middle aged pervert on MySpace? Now they are on Facebook and Twitter with their teen posting comments and pictures back and forth. I think it is great that parents are trying to relate to their kids by being involved in the new trends but they can't loose their sense of maturity. They can't let their guard down far enough to the point where it's ok to allow posts about White House correspondents or tactical locations in Iraq. It seems that everyone is taking social networking a little too far and I wonder when people are going to get the wake up call.

If you are applying for a job and have a profile on Facebook, the HR department is probably going to try to look at it. They already do background checks so why is it a surprise that they would go to a social website to find out more information. When you try to lease an apartment, you have to put down references and previous employers. You probably don't want to Twitter that you hated your landlord or that you just got a new dog when you know your landlord doesn't allow pets. You probably don't want to tell your boss that you have a family emergency to attend a Halloween party where you know people are going to be posting Facebook pictures seconds after the event ends. Why has common sense left the building when people log on to the Internet? Social websites have expanded communication in a fun way and it feels great to be involved, much like that first time you instant messaged your crush to ask for a date, but there is some added responsibility involved as well. If you insulted your friend over instant message they would be mad at you just the same as if you insulted them in person and just the same as if you insulted them through a Facebook or Twitter post. The only difference is that now everyone is on Facebook or Twitter or MySpace or the Internet! So the next time you think the Internet is your personal LiveJournal, remember that you could get fired for your posts or worst, you could be humiliated for the whole world to see every time they log on to the Internet.

Some examples of what not to do:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29796962/wid/11915829?GT1=40000

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28754336/

http://twitter.com/JeffFrederick/status/1196141168

http://twitter.com/petehoekstra/statuses/1182334669

h ttp://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28424059/

http://valleywag.gawker.com/tech/your-privacy-is-an-illusion/bank-intern-busted-by-facebook-321802.php

http://deadspin.com/5167355/dan-leone-will-not-stop-yapping-until-the-eagles-give-him-his-usher-job-back

Other links spawning because of recent incidents:

http://bhc3.wordpress.com/2009/03/20/breathe-reflections-the-cisco-fatty-story/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8d8vQBA_sJ8

Our Internet Humiliation ancestors:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPPj6viIBmU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEtIoGQxqQs

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/688285e8f0/afro-ninja-interview-from-ben-hoffman

Obama Fingers

2009-03-24T18:00:00.001-04:00

The Germans have gone overboard with this one. A new product by Sprehe, a German food company, is called Obama Fingers. With Barack Obama being elected, a huge historical landmark for America, is it any wonder that companies are trying to profit from it? Any American's first reaction to the name of the product would obviously be similar to the reaction that you would have if you said, "All black people eat fried chicken." So maybe Germans are appealing to their African American population? Representatives from Sprehe claim that they were unaware of the racial undertones and were merely trying to make a homage to American lifestyle and the new US president, Barack Obama. I guess its not too surprising that yet again other countries are trying to be like us. This has got to be an all time low for German marketing. Were they really having so much trouble selling foods, that they had to name them after our current president? The packaging also has a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge on it so it is definitely a blatant reference to America. I wonder how well the sales of Obama Fingers are doing in Germany because I doubt anyone would want to buy them here except for people who misinterpreted the reference to mean support for Obama. But maybe there is really that big of a culture gap between the US and Germany to the point where we cannot see outside of the bubble of racism that has plagued this country for years.

American presidents have always been marketable. George W. Bush was probably one of the most marketable because of his everyday average American attitude. There were endless cartoons, comedy skits, TV shows and movies made about him. Barack Obama is very marketable too because of the historical impact and his attitude towards changing America to solve the problems that Americans are so desperate to resolve. Everyone always looks for someone to pull them out of tight situations and Barack has stood up the highest. I have already seen t-shirts, posters, bumper stickers, bobble heads, and all sorts of merchandise for Obama. So is it really a mystery that Germans would use this for their own profit? I suppose Kohler Fingers wouldn't have been that marketable. Is it a coincidence that Sprehe chose to market their fried chicken with Obama? Is it a coincidence that Sprehe chose to market their frozen foods with references to America? Apparently they also have Hawaii Snacks which is chicken with pineapple and cheese. I wouldn't be surprised if the US Government tried to take a cut of the profits, but they probably don't have time for something as absurd as this. I suppose Germans think they can pull off American authenticity by naming their products after Americans with pictures from America. I think I am going to market some Kohlerwursts with a picture of the Victory Column.

Completely ridiculous and completely realistic. Take a look below at an article and the Sprehe company's website.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/deadlineusa/2009/mar/16/usa-obama-administration

http://www.sprehe.de/

Funny Flight Attendants

2009-03-16T16:28:00.002-04:00

I think it is a general consensus that everyone hates flying or at least the general process of traveling with your favorite (or most hated) commercial airline. Most airlines are actually doing their very best to make that process even more painful which I have already ranted about enough in TMR's blog. However, Southwest Airlines has added a whole new level of entertainment to their flights and I am not talking about the wonderful selection of sitcoms that airlines allow you to watch on a 3.5 inch screen. They hire flight attendants with extra talents like rapping, singing, or straight up comedy.

The people who run Southwest Airlines must have gotten bored of flying because it is simply not enough to read the safety guidelines from the pamphlet to their customers. While other airlines have decided to give flight attendants less responsibility by playing their announcements in a video, Southwest has decided to allow flight attendants to rap them. I might even go as far to claim that this gives flight attendants more responsibility because not only do they need to make sure all the seat belts are fastened and all the chairs are in their upright position, but they need to come up with some clever way to say the announcements. I wonder if their employees had to do a "try out" before they were hired. One flight attendant did the announcements to the tune of Jingle Bells. This sounds like a valiant attempt to making flying more fun, but I am not sure I would appreciate this more than something of worth like not having to pay a check baggage fee for example. Clearly Southwest does not have this problem, but Southwest also only flies to a select few locations. Are you from New York? Neither south or west describes where your airport is located. Hopefully some of this workplace humor can rub off on some of the other larger airlines, but it doesn't seem likely considering these airlines can't have time to deal with these oddities. Larger airlines need to worry about how to fuel their large Boeing 747's thousands of miles over seas and with inefficiencies due to the never ending added security checks, Delta's executives can only hope to get their fat bonus checks after booting several thousand from the staff. Just wait til they start charging for carry on items! If they had spent the extra time finding the most ridiculous flight attendants, maybe someone would have youtubed them with their camera phone.

And now a small sampling of Southwest Airlines' pre-flight entertainment (which also doesn't cost you anything extra) and some (possibly) Southwest inspired entertainment on other airlines.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiXGm_TiRVQ&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKPnDHaiUT0&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jy0Yf1CAsuQ&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDXpsWkTKJU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nu29wSpDWc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCX2JjqLOGk&feature=related

Ab Rocket

2009-03-09T18:45:00.000-04:00

Ab Rocket, the fat blasting system, is the answer you have been looking for! Blast your abs like never before! Your abs will explode you'll be so ripped!! Ok, I made that last one up, but it's not any more ridiculous than the others. Really? How many more of these ab infomercials can America take? As if it were the end of the world and with no where else to turn, you feel like blasting your abs. With all the problems you might have, at least you can really appreciate your rock hard ab blasted abs.

If you end up at their website, they advertise that you can try the Ab Rocket at home for 30 days for just 14.95. A video embedded in the website advertises that you only need 30 days to loose several inches (guaranteed!) and that they can ship it to you for free. For an added bonus, the website starts a countdown from ten minutes saying that they will give you free shipping if you order within the next ten minutes. Obviously this is just bogus because the video does not specify any time limit and you can just refresh the website to start the countdown again. They also say that you'll receive 4 fat blasting DVD workouts (including a 20 minute fun rocking dance party!!), 3 different resistance cylinders from beginner to advanced, and the blast away the calories meal plan. Can you say blast off? You have got to be a real space cadet to believe this mumbo jumbo. It's a classic high pressure buy now ad. Buy now! Buy now!! Buy now!!! But wait, don't they usually ask for 3 easy payments of something 95? You will not be disappointed. In the fine print, they state that if you keep your Ab Rocket for more than 30 days, that they will start charging you payments of 39.95 monthly for the next 3 months. So it all adds up except for the fact that you would be agreeing to pay 134.80 for foam cylinders and a spring attached to a bleacher seat with handles. It kind of looks like a cheap and really uncomfortable video game chair which I could probably get in leather for the same price.

Is it really that hard to do sit ups? How about crunches? The video shows people doing crunches on the floor in pain in black and white next to an inhuman cyborg muscling out crunches on the ab rocket like a machine. Do they really have to show ripped Calvin Klein models and UFC fighters blasting their abs? I would believe it more if they showed you a 300 pound fat guy sitting on that thing blasting them out as easily as they say it is. The fact is that there is probably a limit to the size of people that can fit on the thing. Of course if you break it before the 30 days is up, I am sure they can figure out some way to hold you to your payments since you can't return the thing. Personally, I never had a problem with sit ups or crunches. If the floor is too hard, throw a mat down. Or a blanket. You can add a pillow too, why not? How about some running? Running is the best idea for abs, seriously. I used to run 10 miles a day and I was ripped. I don't remember ever doing sit ups and I did not have a special diet either. In fact, I believe I ate everything all the time and a lot. I could eat 1/4 the amount I did then, run never, and do 500 sit ups a day and probably never end up with the same abs I had when I was running a lot. So there you have it. A realistic testimony from someone who cannot stomach another TV ab solution. Good thing they aren't available in stores otherwise I'd actually have to witness people with my own eyes getting ripped off.

If the product really worked, then you could order it for 30 days for 14.95, get UFC ripped, and then return the dumb ass thing with a picture of your sizzling hot abs. But I am sure that is not what everyone is doing because then they wouldn't be making any money plus if you are counting on infomercials to cut your stomach keg into a six pack then you are probably too lazy to send the damn thing back.

Ab Rocket. Blast it yourself. https://www.tryabrocket.com/

Andy Samberg

2009-03-05T16:30:00.000-05:00

Andy Samberg is a comedian probably best known for his SNL shorts. I wouldn't say that he is that funny as himself, but when he turns into his gangster white boy rapper personality he is out of this world ridiculous. In fact he is so good at this alternate personality that he has made videos with both Justin Timberlake and T-Pain. Look out because he could be the next comedian to make an album since Jamie Foxx or Adam Sandler. Of course he didn't get too much attention until he tried out his rapping skills with SNL cast member Chris Parnell. After the Lazy Sunday video blew up, he was sure to be remembered. With all this rapping nonsense, Andy was actually able to pull a starring movie roll in a film called Hot Rod. Unfortunately, there wasn't any rapping involved in this movie and it lasted much longer than the length of a music video. I am not going to say it was the biggest waste of a few hours (because I am not really a movie critic even though I'd love to share my two cents about most of the junk they allow on the big screen), but I hope you didn't waste ten bucks (no wait, eleven and fifty cents) on that sorry attempt at entertainment. However, the outrageous lyric popping funnyman didn't let that bring him down. He continued making what he knows best which happens to be making music videos. I suppose we can't expect him to learn how to act or win Grammys, but at least his songs actually hit the charts. Who would expect to see "Jizz In My Pants" on the US Billboard Hot 100? I guess it's not that big of a surprise that popular music does not have to have an appropriate message. Let's just hope that they aren't playing that the next time I go into a club.

In case you have missed the last four years of SNL:

I'm On A Boat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yfISlGLNU

Jizz In My Pants: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4&feature=PlayList&p=5A9C50B207ADC1E0&index=0&playnext=1

Dick In A box: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg

Lazy Sunday: http://www.hulu.com/watch/1397/saturday-night-live-snl-digital-short-lazy-sunday#s-p1-st-i1

Viagra Orgy Man

2009-02-26T17:41:00.000-05:00

Viagra Orgy Man. Sounds a bit like a super hero, but he was not quite super enough. This Russian man tried to go for a 12-hour sex marathon with two women (because they bet him money (as if he needed money to agree to this arrangement!)) and succeeded but then had a heart attack. If someone asked you to run a marathon and you don't normally do that, then any person in their right mind would advise you to train or at least warm up to the amount of exercise that you are about to do. I would say that was his demise unless the two women were just that ugly. They did not specify in the article. I wonder how many Viagra he took? Apparently those little blue pills pack a lot of power. Not that we all already don't know it, but this just further proves how mad the Russians really are. Ridiculous? Indeed. Check out the article for yourself.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2275504.ece

George Washington

2009-02-25T16:46:00.001-05:00

George Washington doesn't get much more bad ass than he is depicted in this video. It's too bad that our country's recent "following of our father's footsteps" ended up being a "misunderestimated" president, George W. Bush. I think he is much closer to dumb ass. However, Obama seems like he could be a bad ass in some ways. He has the next four years to prove it. Until then, we can still admire the ridiculousness of a man that started it all.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-69414486881463942

Airports

2009-02-24T14:30:00.004-05:00

Can they make it anymore painful? I would say no, but I wouldn't be surprised if it got worse. Simple idea: quick transportation from Newark, NJ to Fort Myers, FL for a vacation in the sand and sun. That's a pretty common idea. I thought I would feel better about flying since I had vouchers for Continental because I canceled my previously flight. I have flown Continental a number of times in the past and I usually label them as one of the better airlines. And not because their lines are quicker or their flights are cheaper, but because they usually give you a bit more service on the plane. I have had cereal, bananas, sandwiches, and have been pretty satisfied with the in flight service provided by Continental. Of course, that was not the case with this particular flight.

Newark Airport: not a fun place. But that is to be expected from them. They are very likely to have delays and long lines. I would probably label this one of the worst airports in this country second to airports such as JFK and the Atlanta airport. I have heard bad stories about LA's airport, but I have never flown there so I can't really accurately comment. I am hoping that I don't ever have one of those painful, cliche LA airport stories. The process of checking in for your flight, checking your bag, going through security, waiting for your flight, and then boarding has become so painful that I would rather have the risks that all the checks are put in place to protect us against. So terrorists are constantly trying to board US flights so that they can hijack the plane and what exactly? Kill all the people on the plane? Drive the plane into a building? Seriously, people still die more often in car accidents. Why can't we have a free pass if it's a domestic flight? Or if we are US citizens? Must I seriously be raped in public every time I go through airport security? Ok, so it makes sense that we can't bring guns on an airplane. I get that. But jackets off, hats off, belts off, shoes off? Pockets emptied? No liquids? Clearly some of it makes sense, but how much more can they up security from now on? If a terrorist puts explosives in the lining of his underwear, are we all going to have to take off our underwear for now on? Are airlines going to start giving us background checks when we buy tickets? Maybe they are already doing this, I don't know. There has to be an easier solution because the way things are moving now, flying is going to move away from something that the normal American can afford. All this added security, added guidelines for building planes, additional time it takes to get to your flight, and escalating fear that our security is still not good enough are sending airline prices to oblivion. We aren't even paying for anything extra. In fact, we are now paying for less. Many airlines, such as Continental now charge you to check your bags. The services on the flight are even less. I only received a single muffin for my breakfast flight rather then the normal cereal, fruit, and yogurt that I was so used to before. I didn't even get to choose my seat on this flight because it was overbooked and there was no guarantee that any of the seats were mine. I had to fly separated from the rest of my party in a middle seat next to two rather large people that made it clear that the armrests were not a shared commodity.

To add to this airport nonsense, you might even end up with a very luxurious flight for the same price and even the same airline. I flew back from Tampa, FL on Continental and ended up with mini televisions, free movies, and free sandwiches and chips. Of course the airport security was just as bad and this flight was severely delayed. Actually, they had to switch our aircraft because the other one wasn't there. Possibly the aircraft we were expecting was the one that recently crashed with Continental? Maybe they felt bad and decided to try and make up for it with a more luxurious aircraft. Why are some different then others? We are all paying about the same for our flights so why is there some random chance that you could end up on an express plane that barely can make it through the air without it crushing itself. It doesn't even make sense to me to buy first class tickets anymore. The chance of you having such a shitty experience on a flight is so high that paying the extra money for free meals and drinks just isn't worth it anymore. You would basically be paying for a bigger chair. My flight back to Newark's first class section didn't even have televisions, but everyone in coach did. I don't understand that unless they had them hidden in the chairs somewhere. I suppose if you purchase first class tickets you are just too good for a petty little television playing petty sitcoms. Still I can't imagine anyone purchasing first class tickets and feeling good about having one item less than everyone in coach. Maybe they had some budget cuts when they were building the plane? It was, after all, a replacement aircraft. If airlines are struggling so much and people are struggling to pay for flights so much, then why are airlines paying the extra amounts for televisions? I would much rather have free checked baggage and a free sandwich on every flight then to have a chance that I will end up with a television on the chair in front of me. I just want to pass out and hope that the whole painful experience passes quickly and I can just get on with my life at my intended destination. Is anyone investing in the research of teleportation?

Marriage Before Kissing

2009-02-20T13:00:00.002-05:00

(There are too many kids to fit in my blog space so you will have to click on the picture to see the rest!)

I don't normally watch anything on TLC, but there is a show on this channel that is absolutely over the top and I suppose that's what you need to get on TV these days. The show is 17 Kids and Counting and yes, it's exactly what you think it is. One family, the Duggers from Arkansas, decided that it was necessary to never stop having children. I always knew people from Arkansas were crazy. In fact the show started in 2008 so I believe they are changing it to 18 Kids and Counting now because they had another child this past December. And to top it off, Jim Bob and Michelle (father and mother) decided to name all their kids starting with the letter 'J': Joshua, Jana and John-David (twins), Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah and Jeremiah (twins), Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer and the new baby Jordyn-Grace. Say that ten times fast. Obviously the family is completely nuts right? Well they are also extremely conservative Baptists. So conservative that their massive amount of children can only watch very little monitored amounts of television, can only go to a restricted number of Internet sites, and cannot casually date anyone. In fact, to meet their marriage partner they must adhere to a form of courtship. Their children are all home schooled and they have a buddy system set up where the older children assist the younger ones with everyday tasks. I suppose this is the only thing that actually makes sense to me because there is no way that Jim Bob and Michelle could take care of them all at once all the time and teach them everything too especially when Michelle is almost always pregnant. Michelle has had at least one child every year and a half since 1988 (there have been a couple of twins). I hope they can think of more names that start with 'J' otherwise they might end up like the Foreman family, naming them all the same name.

Courtship. The guy must request permission from the girl's father before any relationship can begin. Sound fun? Sound impossible? The oldest of the Dugger children does this towards the beginning of the first season on TLC. Joshua James (Oh did I forget to mention their middle names? Many of them start with 'J' too.) dates a young girl from Florida named Anna Renee Keller who he met through some church retreat. He proposes to her at a dinner with "I love you" balloons and with Anna's parents present. I am not sure what restaurants they have in Arkansas, but it looked a lot like Denny's or Friendly's but it was probably more of a local favorite. During the show, there are many interviews with Joshua where he explains that he and Anna have never kissed. The most they ever did was hold hands. He explains that they do not want to go this far in their relationship until after they get married. After he says this, the cameraman religiously follows them around and constantly asks them about if they want to kiss.

I don't understand how you could even think about marriage without a little physical side. What happens if they get to their honeymoon and they are completely incompatible. Good luck following up your parents with their 18 kids and counting!

Joshua and Anna are almost always dressed in matching striped shirts and holding hands. Picture perfect. Too bad there wasn't any extra closet space with all those children running around! They decide to plan the entire wedding themselves and the whole family helps out. I guess having that many children comes in handy here. I am so glad they have such a good role model at the top of the family. I think the first time I saw them wearing different outfits was the wedding! Just before the wedding, his father Jim Bob, gives Joshua a talk about the "birds and the bees" which hardly covered anything that I actually think would be helpful to his honeymoon performance. Jim Bob gives him a book which apparently has everything he needs to know and was what Jim Bob and Michelle used to become such a perfect couple for so many years. Please remind me to avoid Arkansas on my next road trip to the south. And if you don't believe that this is all 100% realistic information, then check out their wedding website.

http://www.ja20.com/

Future wife, don't expect me to hold back kissing or anything else before marriage!

Grammy No Shows

2009-02-19T17:31:00.005-05:00

There were quite a few performances this year at the Grammys. In fact, there were 22 performances and I am pretty sure the award ceremony went over its allowed time on TV guide. What's even more surprising is that there were supposed to be more. Chris Brown, Rihanna, and Usher all decided that they had better places to be. Actually Usher is the only one that actually thinks he is too good for the Grammys. Rihanna was evidently hospitalized after a "traffic incident" and Chris Brown was allegedly on the run after being seen and photographed beating Rihanna inside his car and on the street. This is really not what you want to see from a couple who is supposed to be role models for the youth in this country. At least Michael Phelps waited until after he had won all eight of his Olympic swimming events before drowning himself in a bong. Maybe Chris was upset that he didn't get nominated as much as Rihanna? Maybe Chris watched the Disturbia video one too many times? Usher was nominated even less than both of them and he didn't flip out. But maybe he was the photographer that set him up? In any case, I haven't seen any of these photos so it all sounds like media speculation to me.

How I think it went down was Usher wasn't invited to the Grammys at all because he was barely nominated and frankly the people would rather see Ne-Yo perform classic oldies than him. We all remember how Usher tried to take over Michael Jackson's performance at his own 30th Anniversary Special in 2001, but that is a whole different story. Usher was completely disgruntled because he is always the center of attention and how could "Trading Places" not go for any Grammys? Seriously, that is the most ridiculous song I ever heard and it leads me to believe that Usher is running out of new material without the help of fire guest artists like Young Jeezy. Usher, being the drama queen that he is, decides to bring down Chris Brown because he appears to be taking a spot ahead of him in popular music. Usher must have overreacted because he really should have been going after Ne-Yo who was nominated for more Grammys then all of them combined plus he won one or two. Or maybe he thought that bringing down Chris would also bring down Rihanna too. So Usher finds Chris and Rihanna, drugs Chris, beats Rihanna, and take photographs of the entire thing to make it look like Chris is the culprit. He throws drugged Chris in an abandoned alleyway somewhere and takes off. When Chris comes to hours later, he sees the news that people are after him and he turns himself in since he doesn't remember a thing. Nice job Usher. It's not like any of them were going to win anything anyway.

Sound ridiculous? Well, I still think that sounds more reasonable than all the other garbage I have been hearing around the news. Chris Brown beat Rihanna because his father beat his mother and he has repressed feelings. Chris Brown beat Rihanna because he's a bad guy and he just wants to beat on women. Chris Brown beat Rihanna because Rihanna tried to purposely give him herpes. They had a fight. These things happen. Blah blah blah. The news also reported that he had commented about it on Facebook! Wow, that is really a stretch to get some answers. But the general consensus I have felt is that everyone aches for Rihanna because she was beaten and she is a female and can't defend herself. Please. You know I think I would believe it more if Rihanna allegedly beat Chris and sent him to the hospital. Still I question the wording of it all. It seems all too one sided, all too Hollywood for me. But I suppose we will all find out some sort of underlying justice when Chris Brown goes to court in March. Usher better make up for this and all his part two cop out songs with his next album that is supposedly coming out before the end of this year.

Random Story On The Bus

2009-02-17T12:01:00.003-05:00

When I ride Greyhound, I usually expect some level of craziness from the people who ride the bus, but I overheard the most ridiculous story from this guy.

First off, the guy (who I later found out to be named Douglass) is dressed in clothes that are dirty and ripped to shreds like he has been traveling for months without a change. He had shoulder length hair pushed back (and probably attempting to dread itself). When I go inside to pick up my already online purchased ticket, he is standing in front of me asking the woman how to get to some small town that I don't even know if it existed. After she explains to him that Greyhound doesn't go there he settles for Clearwater which happened to be on the way to where I was going: Tampa. I was going to suggest he use my Google maps on my phone to figure out if Clearwater is actually anywhere near his unknown town, but I was too hesitant and he paid for his ticket with small bills and lint.

Later, I am sitting on the bus close to the back on the left side looking for my iPod headphones and he passes me and sits behind me. I guess he was going to the very back but there was a young girl lying down across the back row. He asks her if everything is alright and she explains that she has had a rough night. Then they start talking more and this guy proceeds to tell her how he traveled here from Ohio to join a circus with this girl he has just met. Don't sound that crazy from how I just described it, but he was referring to this girl as he fiance the entire time. The young girl in the back row asks him more details about his fiance and he explains that they had gotten engaged the first day they had met. Aww that's like love at first sight you would say, except he continues his story with how she "took me for everything I had" and kicks him out the circus. So now he is stranded with nothing, forever away from Ohio and anyone he knows. Somewhere in my eavesdropping I hear him say that his fiance tells him that he should join another circus somewhere in Fort Myers to make his money back. At this point I am thinking to myself, "Seriously? How retarded can you be?" This man is traveling far away from his home state for circuses, engagements after a day, and being stranded? What did he expect would happen to him? It was unreal to see someone that naive. He looked like he was in his 20s, but I suppose he could have been 15. The young girl in the back of the bus that he was telling this to looked about 15 so that could make sense. But if he was that young, then I doubt he'd be smart enough to run away from home for so long without anyone noticing based on his dumb ass decisions in Florida. I hope he has some family somewhere because if he continues like this he is not going to make it for too long. I put my headphones on awhile after this.

We were stopping at a rest stop and I took my headphones off. Of course they were still talking. God only knows how much crazy is inside this guy. I suppose he was still telling off his fiance to this girl on the bus and she was trying to make him feel better by saying it could have been worse. She tells him about her night and how she thought she was going to get date raped by these guys but she got away and how bad of an experience it was. I am thinking, "They are perfect for each other. Both really really crazy!" But then he says that he was dated raped one time. She asks him if it was a girl and he says, "No, two guys." Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Pardon my over capitalization. So now this guy is running around Florida getting date raped by guys on top of everything else? He told the story about how it happened. He was looking for a place to stay and met these two guys that said they could give him a couch at their place. "Next thing I know, I am waking up on the side of the street with bruises all over my body," he says, "and they didn't even take my money." Well at least he is thinking positively! Yak. Where are my headphones? Where are my headphones?!?

Now arriving at Fort Myers! Headphones off and what do you know? They are still talking, but it's her stop. They wrap it up and say how nice it was to talk and such and then he comes out with the fiance's name. "If you ever hear about a Tyra Veronica from Fort Myers, that's her! She took me for everything I had!" Of course the young girl he's yelling this at is not going to go looking for this crazy woman (as he had described her). And everyone on the bus is reacting like New Yorkers do: ignore him and pretend you are not paying attention. I think it was about the time I started reaching for my headphones again.

Michael Phelps Smokes Pot

2009-02-06T13:10:00.006-05:00

Michael Fred Phelps, who holds an astonishing amount of swimming records, smokes a bong. He has 14 Olympic gold medals and 8 in just the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. In the 2004 Olympics he also won 8 medals, but 2 of them were bronze. Of course that was still a record setting performance. He even swam in the 2000 Olympics at age 15 although he only placed fifth and didn't win any medals. He is described as a human fish with an abnormally long wingspan and short legs. I could probably write a blog with just his accomplishments. But I suppose this picture isn't too unexpected.

Michael is, after all, a 23 year old celebrity and he was just on top of the world. He did plead guilty to a DWI in 2004 and had to attend a Mother's Against Drunk Driving (MADD) meeting. I bet his mother forced him to go to that. She is a middle school principle. His father was also a state police officer. I bet that he is finally partying it up considering he didn't have much opportunity before with all his swimming training and his disciplined household. In 2004, he told Matt Lauer on the Today Show that the DWI was an "isolated incident" and now in 2009 he is trying to explain why he's smoking a bong.

It's a pretty big bong Michael. Don't you think you could have gotten away with it if you had just packed a one hitter in your back pocket?

This picture does not look like a one time incident. He looks like a pro! I guess all those underwater breathing techniques have really come in handy. Still if you have accepted all of this as a normal everyday incident in Michael Phelps' life then I must tell you one more fun fact.

During the 2008 Olympics, Michael was repeatedly questioned if he was really that amazing and rumors were spread about him taking performance enhancing drugs. Apparently he signed up for Project Believe (a project by the United States Anti-Doping Agency in which U.S. Olympians can volunteer to be tested in excess of the World Anti-Doping Agency guidelines) and was tested nine times during the Olympics. He passed every one. Michael must have people on the inside because I don't believe his "I don't take drugs" mumbo jumbo. Seriously, he got a free pass on this one. USA Swimming suspended him for three months and he lost his Kellogg's contract. Big whoop. Mark Spitz should teach him a thing or two. Clearly Michael feels that during the off season he can pretend he is someone else. It didn't work for Kobe Bryant. It's not going to work for Michael Phelps. Wheaties probably set him up. If this were someone else, maybe someone with less gold medals, I would wager that he wouldn't be able to compete in the next Olympics. But technically he wasn't taking performance enhancing drugs and he admitted his fault so he's still better than a politician or most other celebrities. I suppose he might be a little better matched for the competition when he returns since he hasn't lost a race since 2006 and even then, he was still second.

Mac vs PC

2009-02-06T10:40:00.005-05:00

Definitely inspired by transformers, this is the real deal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLbJ8YPHwXM

The Superbowl

2009-02-05T16:58:00.009-05:00

Particularly Superbowl XLIII. And not because the Steelers won... again. That was pretty much expected, but everything else was just silly. How many records were broken this year during the Superbowl? Big Ben is a quarterback with multiple chips, Harrison's 100 yard interception, Arizona's first chance to play in the Superbowl... and I am sure there were many more because it is just ridiculous how often the NFL hosts like to shout out fun facts that have never happened before. They even start talking about records before they are broken like the one where no Superbowl has gone to overtime (still true thank god). I really couldn't stand to watch another period of Steeler defensive beat downs on the Cardinals. Did anyone else notice when Harrison decided to commit a personal foul by pushing down a Cardinal offensive linemen and then proceed by punching him in the back? If you thought that was crazy, he also pushed him back down when he tried to get up. What was even more absurd was that this over zealous blocking didn't even provoke an outbreak of a fight. I think I saw the Cardinals player's mom throw the flag. Good thing too, otherwise Harrison might have ended up with the MVP instead.

Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band. The music was definitely fantastic but how ludicrous does it sound to have a 59 year old man's denim crotch slide into your face? I think he hit the camera man because I saw the television shake. I couldn't really tell if Bruce was ecstatic from his chance to perform at the Superbowl or the fact that Jennifer Hudson lip sang the entire national anthem. Maybe he was smiling so much because his new CD paid for his new veneers? Anyway, his dizzying guitar tricks made me anxious to watch the second half.

Second half Internet porn. Can you believe that in certain areas of Arizona they cut from Larry Fitzgerald's untouched run to the end zone to a guy waving his dick around? So much for the television delay that they had to institute after the incident during the Superbowl XXXVIII halftime show. Apparently the cable providers in Arizona were not ready for their team to play in the championship game. Was the Superbowl even televised in Arizona last year? Right. Dumb question. Of course not.

Commercials. Thank god the original, funny, awesome Superbowl commercials we have come to love over the years are back! Last year's display was dismal and pathetic. This is the only time of the year that I actually try to watch every commercial. Watching them all, along with the entire game, is fairly difficult and quite tiring. However they started to loose their new, bright and shiny appeal towards the end of the game which was emphasized by the repeating CareerBuilder.com commercial. Preposterous! I can't complain though because the overall display was much more exciting than last year's and for some reason, I have a real craving for Doritos and Bud Light. But that's not too ridiculous.

NFL trademark issues. Apparently "Super bowl" and "Super Sunday" are NFL trademarks. I really should be referring to the game as "The Big Game", but I really do not want to confuse it with the final Pac-10 game of the season or something else. But it's OK NFL, I am not promoting a message.